Captain America: Civil War hit theaters last week, hauling in a whopping $181.8 million. So, if you were not one of the many individuals who contributed to what became the 5th best opening weekend of all time, don’t read any further. I GOT SPOILERS OUT THE ASS COMIN’
SPOILER ALERT
SoBro Brandon and I visited our local cinema on Saturday to get our viewing on. After deliberating over beers after the film, I’ve reached a definitive list of the top 15 characters in Marvel’s latest glimpse into its’ beautiful cinematic universe.
SO AGAIN,
SO MUCH SPOILERS WATCH OUT!
SPOILERS
15. T’Chaka – What a wise, sweet man! Hate to see him blown up in a terrorist attack.
14. Hawkeye – Dude, you came out of retirement for what? To get in a full-on brawl, get your ass kicked, and get thrown in ocean jail. You’re so much better than that. Oh, and by the way – Hawkeye doesn’t miss? Meet the Black Panther, man – three straight misses. Bitch, stay home with your family next time.
13. Crossbones – Yeah, that’s right. Crossbones was pretty badass. So what?
12. Scarlet Witch – Keep yo ass in the compound, Wanda. I’m sick of this brooding young lady who doesn’t understand her powers. Am I the only one that thinks the Avengers should just give her the ax right now (literally – kill her)? If they understood her powers at all, they would be very, very afraid. She has the most potential to completely tear down civilization of anyone in this movie. I’m watching you, Marvel – don’t make her Phase 4.
11. War Machine – Nobody wants to see a dead Don Cheadle. Thankfully, the rumors were false and no one had to suffer that sight. Still, every time he showed up, I remembered that I had forgotten he was in this movie.
10. Captain America – Yeah, I wasn’t big on the main characters in this movie. I felt like the annoyed friend who got caught up in between two friends’ knockdown drag-out brawl. Just get it over with and find some sort of middle ground. Compromise, people.
9. Iron Man – Tony Stark made some valid points in support of his stance that the Avengers should be put in check. He gets the nod over Captain America because of the growth his character displayed throughout the movie. Still, it was aggravating to watch two people bicker without a willingness to compromise.
8. Black Widow – If the Vision wasn’t the most level-headed of this bunch, it was definitely Black Widow. I think her role best exemplified the torn nature of the Avengers surrounding the conflict between Iron Man and Captain America. They just wanted to see their two dads get along! Oh – and yeah, if you take down the Black Panther, that’s some serious credibility points.
7. Baron Zemo – Daniel Bruhl for the psychological win! Baron Zemo was an easily dislikable character with a literally insane agenda. I was completely captivated by his character and his motives.
6. Falcon – I was surprised to see Falcon get some serious shine in the opening fight sequence. What’s more, the importance of his character to Captain America was maintained throughout the entire ordeal. Total bros for life.
5. Ant-man – WE FINALLY GOT GIANT-MAN! Scott Lang stole the show in the climactic 6-on-6 Avenger vs. Avenger tag match. If he had more screen time throughout the movie, he’d probably be higher on the list.
4. Spiderman – Breakout star of the year! They nailed it with this casting. Spiderman was humorous, and showed that once he matures into this role, he’ll be a valuable Avenger. “You have a METAL arm? Dude – that’s awesome!”
3. The Winter Soldier – Bucky was hands down the most interesting character in this movie. Awesome combatant, but a man you really rooted for. You knew how tragic it was to see him still have the Winter Soldier in him, but strive to rid himself of it. I don’t even mind that he’s killing people’s parents!
2. The Vision – Vision was sneaky good in this movie. He had a firm grasp on the situation, how things were going to go down, and could absolutely drop the hammer when needed. Just wait ’til he figures out that thing in his head.
1. Black Panther – I mean…you all had to see this coming. Loyal readers of the SoBros Network and listeners of the Power Hour & Brandon’s Box Office In Your Mouth know that I am high on life for Black Panther. Chadwick Boseman’s portrayal of T’Challa did not disappoint in the least bit. His presence was felt immediately upon introduction.
His hand-to-hand combat skills were among the best in the movie, and considering he was outrunning cars on the freeway, it’s safe to assume the MCU incarnation of Black Panther drank that Wakanda power potion. Oh – and he had the claws….that was pretty neat.
I can’t even count all of the ways his badassery was on display. They tried mowing him down with a machine gun in a helicopter, and he just stood and looked at ’em like ‘WUT?’ – minor inconvenience. Did I mention he made Hawkeye miss THRICE? And then, on the next shot, caught the arrows, and let them blow up in his face? Come on, man. That’s outright defiance of your shit.
But if that’s not enough, T’Challa showed his tender side when he kept Baron Zemo from blowing his own brain out. He even said something sweet, like “the living are not done with you.” Totally does not sound menacing at all.
Everyone on Earth is going to come looking for Captain America in Wakanda to try and arrest him? “Let them try.”
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley,@PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo
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