Pokemon Go is taking the world by storm – people are falling off cliffs, breaking into houses, desecrating graves, and all kinds of really entertaining stuff. I’m totally on board for two main reasons:
First, it’s natural selection. The more stupid grown men are wandering into traffic, the more food I have to eat. That’s how science takes its course. Seriously, enjoy yourself however you want, but have some common sense. I don’t want to end up with my head in a ditch because you were trying to catch that overrated Pikachu.
Second, this game is bringing back the true joy of childhood for me. You know – back when the world didn’t mean shit outside of Pokemon, Gak, X-Men, SNICK, Mondo, and the Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels Iron Man Match. I don’t really care what you think about me playing this game. I’m relaxing in a way I haven’t been able to since I decided to start writing this stupid blog and for five other reputable sites along the way.
So, it got me thinking…”I wonder which Pokemon would be cool to kick it with as a 30-year old man?”
Boom – here we are….the top 10 Pokemon that look like they could really be your boys:
10. Electabuzz – Electabuzz is that friend who is always really nice and calm when you’re just hanging out, but the moment you go out on the town, he’s throwing trash cans, shocking people, and trying to fight security. He can just be a bit extreme sometimes.
9. Gloom – Yoooo. I’m not going to say anything other than if you end up looking like this, you have some crazy good party stories:
I’ll have what he’s having.
8. Growlithe – Do I really need to explain this one? Growlithe is going to become your best friend right away. He’s loyal, fun, and will always be excited to see you. The drawback? He’s going to shit and drool everywhere. Growlithe is just a standard house dog, right? I’m a bit foggy on some of these Pokemon.
7. Machop – Machop would definitely be higher on this list, but you’re probably going to get tired of him at some point. He’s that one friend that you always invite to your pick-up football and basketball games that makes you hate yourself because he’s so athletic. Factor in he evolves into a dickhead, John Cena-looking Pokemon, Machamp, and it might not be worth the friendship.
6. Mankey – Fair warning: this Pokemon probably smells like a dead hamster’s ass in wood shavings. But, he’s going to be a valuable member of the gang. He’s just average at everything, everywhere. Just like you – probably better than you, but still. Every man can relate to Mankey.
5. Blastoise – Every wolfpack needs a Blastoise. He seems really cool at first. Super nice, steady guy, but when someone breaks a beer bottle and holds it to your throat, you know Blastoise is going to be there to have your back in the melee. He’s a little more reserved than the rest of the crew, but has a disturbingly violent side that makes you question your friendship. You want him around in a fight, for sure.
4. Poliwhirl – It cannot be said enough: every dude has to know a dude who can get him out on a body of water. You can’t afford a boat? Better bro down with someone who can. Poliwhirl is your guy – you can count on him to get you out on the lake in the summer time, but he’s a lot more chill than that nut job boner, Poliwrath.
3. Exeggutor – We all went through a Jackass phase, right? Watching the show every Sunday night, then going out to perform our own stunts and pranks. Exeggutor is the king of Jackassery. You can always count on him to do absolutely anything, and will always be able to laugh at his expense – a valuable friend to have in the rotation.
2. Snorlax – Every now and then, guys just want to sit on a couch, get drunk, play video games, and watch wrestling. Snorlax is your dude. You need a weekend to disappear? This guy’s couch is the answer. Every man has to have that type of friend.
1. Geodude – the penultimate bro’s bro, Geodude looks like the type of Pokemon who is always down to party, but also ready to do work if the moment calls for it. He’s trusty, steady, probably has his shit together more than you do. But, don’t let that fool you. You get him out on a Saturday night and he is absolutely tearing up a dance floor and Rock Throwing until he ends up in Defense Curl. Just a real guy’s guy, y’know?
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley,@PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo
Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork
