Well, my butthole hurts from all the wallerin’ out it took last weekend. Look, I knew this stretch could get ugly. I was picking every game because I had to to catch up and have a winning season, not because I actually believed in my picks. Now, college football is over, and the NFL isn’t too far behind. There aren’t enough games for me to mathematically land a winning season.
It’s over, folks.
Turn off the lights. Lock her up. This season was a failure for your boy Big Natural. Now, I’ve never done this before because I’ve always had winning seasons. When you win, you don’t analyze what works. Come on – you just keep pouring money into your habit because you’re HOT HOT HOT. I never stopped to think about what I was doing – just sploogin’ out information like the Peter North of football betting that I am.
But, since I am obviously a complete and utter failure, now I actually have to take a look back and see what went wrong. What happened in 2016 to hinder my ability to see into the future? I don’t know – but you can bet, SoBros, I’m going to figure it out.
Also, thinking about ways to punish myself for being such a loser and posting it on the site – so, hit me up on Twitter if you have any ideas.
Anyway, I didn’t come this far to quit ’cause I ain’t a fucking quitter, so here goes:
Bit Natural’s Picks
NFL: Atlanta -5 vs. Seattle – The Seahawks still have some major issues. If the Lions had been able to contain Thomas Rawls, they might have hung around in Seattle. I’m not buying the hype just yet. Matt Ryan > Matthew Stafford with a fucked up finger, and the Falcons are loaded with playmakers that can eat the Earl Thomas-less Seahawks secondary alive.
NFL: Atlanta-Seattle, OVER 51.5 – Lots of points in this one.
NFL: Houston +16 @ New England – Good gracious. 16 points in a playoff game against the #1 defense in football?!?! Surely, it can’t be. Surely not. Right??? RIGHT??? New England probably wins 31-0, but eh….I’m not taking the chance.
NFL: Houston-New England, UNDER 42.5 – Houston won’t score enough to touch this, and New England won’t need to. I see this being more of a 24-9 type of game. New England won’t want to exert itself too hard with the AFC Championship in sight…
NFL: Kansas City -1.5 vs. Pittsburgh – I like Kansas City a lot and think they’re the only legitimate threat to the Patriots in the AFC. Look for Tyreek Hill to be the difference in this game on special teams. We’re getting a Chiefs-Pats AFC Championship.
NFL: Kansas City-Pittsburgh, UNDER 44 – Think this will be more of a defensive battle than we’re thinking. The Chiefs are underrated on defense, but don’t exactly have an explosive offense.
NFL: Dallas -4.5 vs. Green Bay – The Giants failed to get any respectable ground game going in Lambeau, but it was a part of a myriad of issues that caused them to lose that game. Don’t expect that from Dallas who boasts the league’s leading rusher and a capable dual threat quarterback.
NFL: Dallas-Green Bay, OVER 52.5 – This is going to be a shootout, as defense is neither team’s strong suit. Look for big plays downfield to Dez Bryant and Randall Cobb all evening. This should be 30+ points on both sides, and my bet for most exciting game of the weekend.
Last Week: 2-8
On the Season: 63-85-8 (42.6%)
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
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