Alabama OC Steve Sarkisian is poised to replace Kyle Shanahan as Falcons’ new OC, as @Schultz_Report reported.
— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) February 7, 2017
So, that’s how it’s going to be, huh, Sark? You get caught eating one damn booger on national television, and you decide to hand in your headset and bolt to the NFL. I never knew he even wanted to go to the NFL. I mean, it’s not like that’s a goal for everyone. Just look at his (now ex) head coach, Nick Saban.
He just loves college football.
And, here I am, an unassuming Alabama fan, thinking Sark was the answer. Sark is going to have us asking, “Lane who?” in no time. But, nope. He gone.
I think it has to be about the booger. Has to be. Why else would he leave a coaching staff he just joined? He was going to be Saban’s next great reclamation project, I’m sure he had access to all the booze he wanted in Tuscaloosa (too soon?), and he stood to make a lot of money.
I don’t know – just doesn’t add up. What makes the most sense is that he was so embarrassed about Boogergate that he could not stand to be seen by the rest of the Alabama coaching staff any longer.
Or, hell – maybe he was like, “shit – I came here to win a National Championship, and we just lost to Clemson, so there goes that. Never going to have that chance again.”
I don’t know – maybe he just wants to be in the NFL and win a Super Bowl. That seems pretty fucking stupid to me, though.
Also, if this move was executed without Saban’s blessing, I wonder what the odds are the he actually makes it out of Alabama alive? Just wondering.
So, where does the Tide go from here?
1. Could this be fake news? Step one: you have to confirm that this is indeed NOT fake news. It’s rampant these days. Such a problem. Very bad. I hope you read all of that in Donald Trump’s voice.
2. Time to call Chip Kelly. “Make the call, Nick!” -Poppa Bear. I’m with Poppa Bear on this one. You’re Alabama – you have the big swingin’ dick in college football. You get the best offensive mind to come through football in decades. Simple enough. On to Florida State.
“Oh Alabama has an OC opening?” pic.twitter.com/q62QAA3IMY
— Denny Chimes (@UADennyChimes) February 7, 2017
3. Or, just roll without an OC. You’re Alabama. You play defense. You just don’t let anyone score all season, and you only need 15 field goals to win a National Championship. Don’t act like that’s unreasonable.
At least Twitter is taking the news kindly…
Thank you for our national championship loss #Sark #Alabama #SteveSarkisian #Rolltide
— Ray (@rayrayrobertson) February 7, 2017
Steve Sarkisian just bit the hand that was feeding him. I hope nothing but the worst for him and his mediocre career. #RiseP
— Chad Wyrick (@4thAndTruth) February 7, 2017
Steve Sarkisian & Donald T are the perfect examples of white male privilege in America. Only white men can fail upward in this country lol
— Jade Calhoun (@_missjadie) February 7, 2017
Alabama blew a 4th quarter lead in the national championship.
Steve Sarkisian will fit right in with the Falcons.
— Master Tesfatsion (@MasterTes) February 7, 2017
The Falcons getting a huge name like Steve Sarkisian has gotta take the sting out of watching the Patriots’ Super Bowl parade for ATL fans.
— chaps (@UncleChaps) February 7, 2017
In all seriousness, Big Natural wishes nothing but the best for The Sark Man. Happy to see someone redeem themselves in this manner.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
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