Can You Believe No One Got Arrested at the NFL Draft in Philadelphia?

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The NFL Draft has come and gone, and for some unknown reason, Fuhrer Goodell elected to have one of the NFL’s premier events in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Philly is also known as one of the absolute worst cities in the world.

Courtesy of CSN Philly:

You’d have guessed with 250,000 football fans passing through the Ben Franklin Parkway over the three days of the 2017 NFL draft that you would have seen mischievous behavior. Especially with all of that beer flowing like raw eggs in front of the Rocky steps.

In fact, the Philadelphia police department said there were ZERO arrests at the draft proving once and for all that Philly sports fans are the most polite and well-behaved in the entire world. CSNPhilly confirmed with the Philadelphia Police Public Affairs office that zero number. Case closed.

A Philly police spokesman told Philly.com that there wasn’t even a single citation issued. Thank goodness for so many of those port-a-potties on the Parkway!

I flat out refuse to believe this. We are being lied to. The citizens of Philadelphia are among the most vile, salty human beings to walk the Earth. You can’t go two hours in Philly without getting in or witnessing some sort of literal fist fight.

Sit down, kids – let Big Natural tell you the story of the time he spent time in Philadelphia.

It was 2012 – I was going to New Jersey to see my girlfriend’s hometown for the first time. I’d never been on a plane before, so I was pretty anxious about that. Quick note: for those of you worried, I did just fine and I’ve flown to several places since then – Newark, Denver, Salt Lake City, Minneapolis, San Francisco. I’m a real pro now. But, back to the story, we land in Philly, and the First Lady’s pops wants to take me to get my first cheesesteak.

My eyes light up – I can’t wait. For one, I love the big city environment. Sure, I get tired of it after approximately one hour and am ready to come fleeing back to the South. But, for at least a bit, I enjoy it. Second, I’m a huuuuuuuuge – YUGE – food dude. Big fan. So, this is one of those bucket list items, right? And, it delivered – one of the finest sandwiches I’ve ever eaten.

I made the mistake of wearing my Nashville Predators gear while we were walking around the city. Apparently, it’s frowned upon to wear not-Philadelphia-related sports gear when in town. I got dirty looks. Knowing that I have a voluptuous ass, I was beginning to worry about the type of attention I was drawing towards myself.

People were initially looking at me like they wanted to fight me. Then, they were looking at me like they wanted to forcibly enter my anus. It was a terrifying experience.

THEN, I go up to order my cheesesteak, and the old man at the window belted out, “IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, GET AT THE BACK OF THE LINE.” Not only were people staring at my big, beautiful, ripe ass, the one man who could save me by providing me with a delicious cheesesteak to distract from the mystique of my ass, shunned me and left me for dead. Just like that.

In this moment, I knew people were just different up there. I know this whole thing sounds incredibly traumatic, but I managed to work my way through it after a couple of years of therapy and watching Silver Linings Playbook at least 21 times.

Then again, now that I stop and think about it – I haven’t been to Philly since Carson Wentz was drafted. Maybe he really has come in and changed the culture of not only the Eagles, but the entire city of Philadelphia. If that’s the case, this man deserves his own story in the Bible.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley@WrestlingNewsCo

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