Prodigious Filmdom 5: Guaranteed 2017 Summer Blockbusters

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Last year I gave you my Prodigious Filmdom 5: Riskiest 2016 Summer Blockbusters and my record was perfect! 5-0! At the same time, that means those movies are in the red, so I won’t gloat too much.

But, this year I’m changing it up on ya!

I’ve decided to go in the complete opposite direction in 2017 with summer blockbusters that will make a shit ton of money! Not only that, but we will leave the theater with a tremendous sense of excitement and satisfaction. I believe the feeling of our expectations being met or exceeded is similar to combing God’s hair. I can only assume for now.

So let the anticipation begin, and here’s to another undefeated summer season at the movies!

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2

(May 5)

When Guardians of the Galaxy came out, I had no idea who the hell these freaks were. But, it became arguably my favorite Marvel film to date. Never before has a movie floored me with action, humor, chemistry, and all-out visual fury. So Vol. 2 is bringing it all back, including the writer/director of the first one, James Gunn. All the pieces are in place for something bigger and better, with another kick-ass soundtrack! If none of this convinces you then I got two words for ya…Baby Groot!

 

CARS 3

(June 16)

Pixar is guaranteed money in the bank. They’re the pinnacle of movie animation. Take a look at their resume and it’s not difficult to see they’ve earned it. Cars is a fun, fast-track adventure with a terrific cast and a personable story. For many reasons, Cars 2 took their foot off the gas and lost some of that absorbing spirit. There aren’t too many Pixar stories I don’t like, but Cars 2 is one of them. That was then, this is now. Cars 3appears to be gearing up for a more exciting and emotional ride this time around. Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson) isn’t the hot shot he used to be, and now he’s back with something to prove. Hopefully, this trilogy comes full circle and is a big victory lap for Pixar and us.

Spoiler Alert: they’re raising Paul Newman from the dead too! Doc Hudson rides again!

 

SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING

(July 7)

Finally Spider-Man has come back home to Marvel Studios. More so, judging by Tom Holland’s pitch-perfect approach to the web slinger in Captain America: Civil War, they got the right guy for the job. And the villains in this one, Shocker (Bokeem Woodbine), Montana (Logan Marshall-Green), The Tinkerer (Michael Chernus), and the incomparable Michael Keaton as Vulture, are bold yet fascinating choices to bring in to this universe. When it comes to the tales of Spider-Man on the big screen, we’ve been disappointed a few times. Those days are gone, and a whole new world awaits us.

WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES

(July 14)

All hail Caesar! This Planet of the Apes reboot is the best those damn dirty apes have ever been in cinematic history. The rise and evolution of Caesar and his untamed posse has been nothing short of riveting. And now the war between humans and apes must have a winner. This ultimate showdown won’t disappoint. A wild Woody Harrelson will be there to mix it up, and director Matt Reeves returns from Rise of the Plant of the Apes. The man’s name is attached to both Cloverfield and 10 Cloverfield Lane, so allowing this trilogy to end with a whimper ain’t his style.

 

DUNKIRK

(July 21)

A WWII action epic brought to you by THE Christopher Nolan. Truthfully, isn’t that all you need to know? Now this is a new venture for him, a story that’s actually a part of our human history and not constructed from his intricate mind. Nevertheless, no one does thought-provoking summer blockbusters like him. I’m sure it will be an absolute spectacle in IMAX as well. If there’s a movie that has a serious chance to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Spielberg’s Saving Private Ryan, this is it.

Brandon Vick is the resident film critic of the SoBros Network, and star of Brandon’s Box Office In Your Mouth. Follow him on Twitter@SirBrandonV and be sure to search #VicksFlicks for all of his latest movie reviews.

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