Antonio Cromartie trying to run through all of his children’s names on HBO’s Hard Knocks HAS to be a top three moment in the show’s history. And, in case you need a refresher, buddy – I am here to help:
Eventually, you get to a certain number of kids, and I think something tells you to stop. Well, once Cromartie had his 11th kid, that something reached out and bit him. So, he had a vasectomy, one of the surest medical procedures in the world today. Well, that wasn’t enough to stop Cromartie’s seed from a spreadin’ if you know what I mean.
The man with the most vital sperm on the planet has done it again, defying all scientific odds. Free agent NFL cornerback Antonio Cromartie and his wife are expecting his 13th child, despite having undergone a vasectomy in 2011.
First of all, I like how we’re still calling Cromartie a free agent. I know this dude has over a dozen mouths to feed, but I’m pretty sure his NFL career is about over. Thankfully, this has ‘reality television’ written all over it.
Even more incredible is the fact that this will be his third child since the procedure.
You have to give the man an ‘A’ for his effort. According to the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, a vasectomy is one of the most effective forms of birth control.
“In the first year after vasectomy, only 15 to 20 of every 10,000 couples will experience a pregnancy. In comparison, 1,400 of every 10,000 couples have a pregnancy each year using condoms, and 500 of every 10,000 couples experience a pregnancy each year using oral contraceptive pills.”
Some men were just meant to reproduce, I guess.
Bruh, at this point, if you don’t want to keep having kids, you’re just gonna have to cut the damn thing off and burn it. You know what I mean – that dick has got. to. go. I hate to put it so vulgarly and bluntly, but there’s really no other way to say it. That is the Golden Cock of all cocks.
It’s a miracle, but like, a miracle that you probably don’t want and have to be extremely careful with. Or, you can just never use it. You can either have a hundred children by the time you die, or you can ride off alone into the mountains, keeping your gift from the world.
I think, and now, this is just my personal opinion, but we need to be protecting Cromartie at all costs during these turbulent, uncertain times. If World War III (World Wars are like Super Bowls, right? They get the Roman Numerals?) pops off tomorrow, we gots to make sure Cromartie is safe and his dick is unharmed.
He and he alone shall repopulate the Earth.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo
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