Ah, Guatemala – I’ve never been, and I actually don’t hear good things, but I know they make some damn coffee down there, and hell – if I could wake up every morning to sights like the image above, I may want to be deported to Guatemala, too. Every now and then,
That’s how it works, right? You just call up a number and get booted out the country?
NAPLES, Fla. – Authorities in southwest Florida say a Guatemalan man was arrested after he dialed 911 to ask for his deportation.
The Collier County Sheriff’s Office says 29-year-old Cesar Sanchez placed the call in Naples and told an operator that he wanted to be sent back to Guatemala.
In an audio recording of the conversation released on Friday, a man says he is not well, but clarifies, “It’s not an emergency. All I want is to be deported.”
A deputy located Sanchez Tuesday night and arrested him for misusing the emergency call number, a misdemeanor.
Sanchez remains in custody at the county jail and is set to be arraigned on May 31.
The arrest report says Sanchez should be held for Immigration and Customs Enforcement.
Nope, as it turns out…..much to my surprise, you can’t just call a number, especially 911, and have yourself deported. Damn shame for our boy here.
Oh, Cesar…Cesar, Cesar, Cesar – this is that thing we all think about doing when we don’t want to go to work or face the responsibilities of adult life. How many times have you thought, “don’t want to _____. What if I just call 911 to get deported?” No? Closer to, “what minor injury can I inflict upon myself that won’t hurt too bad but will get me out of work?” No? Never thought that either? Shit – maybe I need a new job.
Also, it sounds like Cesar is in that special sort of embarrassed pain…like, he’s actually hurting, but doesn’t want anyone to know because he got hurt in an incredibly embarrassing manner. It’s no different from me pulling a muscle in my back bending over to pick up a water bottle. I cramp, grimace, and groan, but if anyone asks, “it’s fine. It’s fine. I’m fine. No, no, no – I swear. It’s fine.” That’s what, “oh it’s not an emergency. I just want go be deported.”
Hell, maybe Cesar just wants a vacation and figures, “hell – the U.S.A. hates immigrants. I bet I can get a free trip out of this. I hear Guatemala is beautiful this time of year!” Anyone else need a break from their wife and kids and decide to call up the local police and admit to running a drug trafficking ring to end up in jail and get a few days alone to clear your head? Shit – I’ve done all kinds of things. But, the police usually get really mad about you wasting their time, and then all the court costs and lawsuits and stuff. Sometimes, it isn’t worth it, and it’s much easier to just run into the woods and rough it for a week. The key is to not tell anyone where you are and just disappear. I’m starting to stray from my point…
But, the moral of the story here is that you just don’t mess with 911. Ol’ Cesar here…well, his heart was probably in the right place. It would be wrong of us to assume otherwise. He probably just didn’t know that it’s frowned upon to misuse a phone line designated to help citizens with real emergencies…
And, hey – jail isn’t Guatemala, but if he wanted “anywhere but here,” then, well….he got it!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo
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