If you’re a fan of glorified flag football, then the day you’ve been waiting for all year is upon us: the NFL Pro Bowl. Yep, this Sunday (January 29, 2017), some of the NFL’s best players take the field for what pro American football tries to pass off as an all-star game. The rest of the NFL’s best players are either playing in the Super Bowl (the game that counts), are nursing injuries, or have literally anything on the planet better to do.
I hate to sound like an old man yelling at the kids, “GET OFF MY LAWN!” But, really – this is a game that seems like it’d be really fun to go to as a player, but has no actual bearing on the football world whatsoever.
Seriously, they had to add dodgeball to the skills challenge to create a buzz. Now, am I totally down for some elite athletes playing dodgeball? Sure! Sue me – you got me, NFL. But, it still does little to get me excited for the actual game.
The thing is – I’m a football nerd. Total football junkie. And, NFL – you got me again…because I will watch this game. I’m fully aware that there are only two NFL games until September – this one and the Super Bowl.
I’m already suffering through the anxiety of going without real football for seven months. Don’t torture me with this, knowing full and well guys like me will watch it. My head is already starting to hurt from my eyes rolling so hard into the back of my head after a penalty is called.
Don’t try and make this out to be real football, refs – just let the boys play. Like they’re out in the neighbor’s back yard. I don’t care if some safety is out there dropping hammers on receivers. Someone pokes an eye, I say go for it – those are the rules of the jungle. Look at Clemson – you find yourself on the bottom of a pile, you’re going to get a finger in your butthole. That’s just how it works when you’re slingin’ the ol’ pigskin around Billy’s backyard.
But, because of the fun nature of the Pro Bowl, guys try to act civil and all. I guess I get that – to a point I mentioned earlier, this is like vacation for a lot of them. And, they sure as hell don’t give a shit that people are out there filming them.
But, really – did you have to add insult to injury and put these preposterous looking jerseys on the players?
Well this year’s #ProBowl jerseys are, ummm, interesting… pic.twitter.com/7CZOXlR56M
— Gridiron Gentlemen (@GridironGents) January 25, 2017
But, don’t worry, Nike – I’m sure Twitter reacted kindly to these…
The AFC Pro Bowl jerseys look like both Chester Cheetah’s & LMFAO’s wardrobes got into a head on collision
— Brandon (@BMC2R4L) January 26, 2017
2017 Pro Bowl Jerseys Ugly as Shit moe
— ♻️z (@HaroldKhalif) January 15, 2017
Guys that buy NFL pro bowl jerseys eat a lot of canned meats i bet
— Not Famous Jason (@JasonAAV) January 13, 2017
The Pro Bowl jerseys on @OfficialNFLShop look like absolute dog shit.
— Jesse Kirkendall (@JayKirkendall) January 1, 2017
The 2017 Pro Bowl Jerseys have been released: YOU TOO CAN WEAR THIS PIECE OF SHIT FOR THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF $149.99
— NFL News (@AwesomeNFLNews) December 30, 2016
Nope – not quite what I was expecting…oh well…
You know what – maybe I’m just pissed and bitter that these guys appear to be having the times of their lives, and I’m stuck here in Nashville, where I believe it’s been overcast since Christmas.
That last part may have been an exaggeration, but damn – Orlando sure does look good this time of year.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
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