Nashville Power Rankings: Week 1

 In Humor, Nashville, Nashville Power Rankings

Happy Friday, Nashville – time for your favorite bunch of ragtag degenerate bloggers to unite for a new featured column. Since we’ve been called the greatest historians of Nashville to ever grace the Internet, we felt obligated to summarize our fine city’s week. It’s a lot of pressure, honestly, but we’re built for this shit.

The Week in Review

Story of the Week: WSMV dropping a hell of story this week, and man, it is getting harder and harder to find positive stories these days. But, the story of Stephon Parrish and Johnny Taylor is incredibly powerful. That’s the type of friendship this very blog was built off of. Salute these two men, along with the memory and legacy of Johnny’s son, Jason Taylor. Respect.

Blue Collar Badass of the Week: Tourism season is about to kick in for the city of Gatlinburg. The town is still picking up the pieces from the devastating wildfires of late 2016. That said, I think it’s only fitting for the inaugural Blue Collar Badass of the Week to go to all of the Tennesseans who rolled up their sleeves, pitched in to help each other, and continue to pick up the pieces from this tragedy and move forward. Y’all are incredibly tough, strong, and perseverant. Read Shannon Faulkner’s story here.

Shout out: David Poile. The general manager of the Nashville Predators was announced as one of the finalists for the NHL’s GM of the year award. Hell yeah!

Honorary Nashvillian of the Week: Dan Patrick. Our boy has been referring to ‘his Preds’ all week on the DP Show. So, gotta give him and The Danettes a quick shout out. Now, get y’all’s asses down here for a hockey game.

SoBros Nashville Story of the Week: Read my thoughts on why Mike Fisher has earned a spot in the grand mythos of Nashville sports.

Step Your Game Up

Nashville traffic – Again, this is the first edition of the Nashville Power Rankings, so some of the honorees are going to be ‘lifetime achievement’ awards, so to speak, to make up for lost time. Nashville’s traffic is a damn shit show. This city’s growing faster than the infrastructure can keep up, and people just flat out don’t know how to drive. Have to be better, people.

Midtown citizens complaining about noise – Here’s an idea, if you don’t like where you live, fucking move! I get it – a lot of condos were built well before Midtown developed into the little hub that it is. But, where have these people been for the last seven years??? How could you not see this coming? It’s all about being prepared, people. What’s worse are the people who moved in after Midtown popped…what? Don’t suck the soul out of this city. That’s all – Midtown is a place for the locals to go and still get a taste of the Nashville vibe without all the tourists. I love Rebar – in there all the time. I’ve burned a hole in Blue Bar’s dance floor. I don’t want to lose this, people!

Dennis K. Morgan – I hate to pile on the guy – a lot of people say he’s pretty nice, and yeah – if I were in his shoes, I think my feelings would be hurt a bit, too. But, at the same time, I don’t think I’d be throwing shade at Nashville’s elite, and I damn sure would not disrespect Carrie Underwood by insinuating that she sang the national anthem because she’s “the Captain’s wife” or because she’s pretty. Come on, dude. Be better.

Kings of Leon – Damn it. Your shitty towel-waving cost the Preds the game last night. Be better next time.

On to the rankings..

5. Paul Heggen – We’ve had random likes and re-Tweets from celebrities we’ve written about, but Paul is one of only two public figures who have taken the time to share an article, reach out with some kind words, and truly help our business. To this day, our piece on his teaming with Gnash and Dagny is a top-five SoBros post. The only other public figure to help in such a magnitude was Tom Arnold. Yes, THE Tom Arnold, who reached out to us on Twitter to tell us he thinks we’re funny and wish us luck on our journey. So, that’s one hell of a duo to have on our side. No offense, Paul – no clue if you’ve done anything noteworthy this week because I haven’t kept up on the news in the morning. But, we couldn’t start a Nashville Power Rankings column without our boy getting a spot.

4. Buffalo’s Billiards – Yep – another SoBros “lifetime achievement’ award. Buffalo’s is my hangout. If you ever want to see me, but don’t want to text/call me…well, first of all, that’s kind of creepy. Please text me first. Second, if you still want to stalk me, just show up at Buffalo’s at any given time on any given day. It’s where we had The Big Hang -and- our 1st annual Foosball Championship, and I’m sure we’ll be gathering there again in the future. Check ’em out on Facebook and their website.

3. Wilson Bank & Trust – Your boy Big Natural had some issues with his checking account this week, but Wilson Bank & Trust (based out of Lebanon) helped me out like it was nothing – my issues were resolved in FOUR FUCKING BUSINESS DAYS!! Are you serious? I’ve had several friends who have also had their account compromised and had to spend MONTHS fixing it, disputing charges, and ultimately getting their money back. But, WB&T took care of me in four days. I’ve banked with these guys since 2004 – they’ve talked me out of bad car loans, they’ve helped me sort out financial aid for college, and I can’t recommend them enough. Definitely a good week for local banking.

2. Roman Josi – The Preds defenseman hit the game winner on Tuesday night. What a hell of a shot it was, too.

1. Taylor Lewan – Was there ever any doubt as to who #1 would be this week? You don’t just show up to a Preds game, crush beers, and wave around a catfish without becoming a veritable super hero in this city. Of course, it helps if you’re a big ass offensive lineman who steamrolls people for a living. Something about Lewan – his style, his sense of humor, whatever – the dude just resonates with Nashville.

In terms of people I’d like to smash tallboys with, Lewan’s got to be #1. I’ve been touting Rusev as the King of New Nashville for a year now, but I tell you – Lewan’s coming for the throne.

Also, damn fine week from Blake Tucker who engineered this gem of a photo:

’til next week, you stay classy, Nashville.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley@WrestlingNewsCo

Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork


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