Nothing Exemplifies Pure Sex Quite like 1980s Michael Hayes



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My God. I think I’m pregnant just from looking at that, and I am a grown ass man. A 31-year old grown ass man just requested mercy from the Lord because of a photo of Michael Hayes, Freebird extraordinaire, from the 1980s. That’s right – the raw sexual charisma of Michael Hayes defies the laws of physics and nature and made a man pregnant.

Damn. What the fuck am I going to do now? I’m not ready to father a child.

Regardless, every now and then, you hear a new Freebirds story. Or, some ridiculous picture from the 80s pops up (that tends to happen if you follow 80swrestlingpics on Instagram). But, man, those guys were legends in and out of the ring.

Sure, some people have questioned Hayes’ involvement in the WWE. Like, rumors seem to swirl incessantly about women in the industry performing oral favors for a push and such. Some people say Michael Hayes is not a good human being. But, who knows what you can and can’t believe these days?

Those are all just rumors on the Internet. Therefore, I certainly can’t verify them. For fuck’s sake, we’re a comedy blog in Nashville. What sources do I have? So, I’m not going to entertain those ideas.

Also, can’t you just smell this photo, too? Like, I see this and immediately smell whiskey and sweat gently seeping through the application of Old Spice, but maybe that’s just me and my appreciation for a good musk.

This is my Michael Hayes.

However, I must say there’s probably too much drugs in the bloodstream and STDs for my liking. I know you can’t necessarily smell those things, but just knowing they’re there ruins my perception of this legend.

Plus, look at all that body hair. The fact that he was such a sex symbol gives a hairy dude like me hope, despite the fact that I am 6’1″, 280 pounds with a girthy beer gut.

As I like to do with many of my journalism pieces, I’d like to leave you with a question that keeps you engaged with our web site and rocks you to your core: when did the unbuttoned blue jeans paired with obvious free-balling go out of style?

‘Cause I’m enacting a motion to bring this trend back.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley@WrestlingNewsCo

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