Check Out This Terrifying Robot Wolf That the Japanese Are Using to Scare Animals Away From Crops

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For centuries, farmers have been trying to figure out how to keep the damn wild animals out of their gardens. Well, thankfully Japan has finally cracked the code: you just have to create a robot wolf that will literally terrify every living creature it comes across.

Courtesy of Samantha Cole:

According to The Japan News, this mechanized shitbeast was introduced on a trial basis in Kisarazu in southwest Chiba Prefecture, and is on loan to agricultural cooperative association JA Kisarazu-shi. It’s called “Super Monster Wolf” because of course it is.

It’s about a foot and a half tall and two feet long, which is pretty close to the size of a real wolf. A real wolf, however, doesn’t have quite the same “spawned from the bowels of hell” look.

Yeah, I mean – WTF? Is a real wolf not scary enough? If I see a live wolf in the wild, I’m frightened. I’m texting my family, saying my final goodbyes, and preparing to be eaten right there in the dirt. Said wolf doesn’t need fucking devil eyes. But, I guess that’s for the animals out there that aren’t intimidated by an ordinary looking wolf. And, I guess there’s also that whole issue of capturing a live wolf and turning it loose on your property. I don’t suppose it would just automatically and willingly be like, “well, these people caught me. I guess I have to watch over their garden now.”

But, first of all, if there are predators out there that aren’t intimidated by a live wolf, why not just make this thing five times larger than an actual wolf? Make the damn thing a werewolf! Give it Wolverine claws. You don’t have to make it a regular wolf….that’s my point here.

The robowolf detects intruders with an infrared ray sensor, flashes its red LED eyes, and cycles through 18 different intimidating sounds, including a growl, a human voice, and a gunshot.

Why settle for the effects? Just put an actual gun in this wolf’s paw. Also, how startling would it be to see this beast running at you, shouting in a human voice. I would be like a deer in headlights. Like, “holy shit – did that wolf just tell me he was going to shoot me? Wait – is that a gun in its paw?!?!” I’d be dead in no time.

In video footage taken by Kyota Tsutsumi of Japanese news outlet The Asahi Shimbun, the mecawolf swings its matted head around to bare its teeth at onlookers. A long, sad howl echoes over a green field, for dramatic impact. It looks every inch like the G’mork from The NeverEnding Story.

Apparently, the effect is working: Kisarazu city government officials told The Japan News that there have been no signs of wild animals or birds nearby since Super Monster Wolf was installed on July 11.

There is literally too much information in this article for me to process after seeing something as wild as that wolf. So, I’ll leave it here. And, yeah – no shit this thing is going to work. Can you imagine crows testing this thing? Like, “nah, man – we ain’t going anywhere. That’s our corn.”

Let me tell you something, any crow willing to face this demon wolf is not a crow I’d want to mess with.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley@WrestlingNewsCo

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