Alright, well here we are. After a hiatus of approximately seven months, Tank the 401k is BACK! Get ready to waste all of your money on my stupid football picks each and every week. If you followed the journey last year, then you know just how close I came to suicide and butt chugging a number of random items. It’s the first losing season I’ve ever had picking games, but motherfuckers, let me tell y’all something. IT’S A NEW DAY YES IT IS.
Time to right the ship, and I hope y’all get on board, because it’s about to be Prestige Worldwide up in here. You’re all going to get rich. And, hell, if not – at least we can all be broke together. But, for the time being, I’m not even thinking about the bottle of Jack Daniel’s (if you read last year, you know what I mean).
So, for any of you noobs here who don’t know what Tank the 401k is, let me splain it. I make football picks each week. It’s called Tank the 401k because I encourage all of my readers to blow all of their retirement savings on a comedy blogger’s advice. It’s funny. With that said, here we go. Hold on to your titties.
Big Natural’s Picks
NCAAF: UCF -17 vs. Florida International – UCF is going to surprise some people this season. I think they could realistically end up in the discussion for that ‘Group of Five’ spot in one of the New Year’s Six bowls. Time will tell, but they should be able to eviscerate a bad FIU team at home.
NCAAF: Ohio State -20.5 at Indiana – I love Urban Meyer with plenty of time to prepare for this game. I know they’re on the road, but this Buckeyes team is eager to get on the field after being embarrassed by Clemson. They’re out for blood, and I’m willing to give them three touchdowns.
NCAAF: Colorado State +5.5 @ Colorado – The Buffs lost a LOT of talent on defense, and one of the greatest quarterbacks in program history. I like the Rams, with Nick Stevens at the helm, to put some serious points on the board. They’re already 1-0 after a 58-27 throttling of Oregon State.
NCAAF: Alabama -7 vs. Florida State – Nick Saban has proven nearly unstoppable in these season kickoff match-ups. I do think FSU has a chance to be a playoff team, but I think Alabama gets ’em here. Look no further than last season against a USC team that ended up winning the Rose Bowl.
NCAAF: BYU-LSU, UNDER 47.5 – This ought to be a pretty low scoring affair. I could see it ending 31-13, or I could see the LSU offense struggling and winning 24-20. Regardless, I don’t think either of these offenses are built to score points.
Last Season: 48%
Last Week: n/a
On the Season: n/a
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @WrestlingNewsCo
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