Tank the 401k: ‘Wave at the Haters’ Edition

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Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into my weekly American football column, Tank the 401k. Here, I will divulge all my professional eagle-eyed opinions on the upcoming week. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts!

Whew. I’m back on my bullshit, people. 5-0 last week. Let’s take a collective moment to wave at the haters for a second. Hi haters!

Alright, that felt good. I was telling Nature Boy Sunday night….I don’t know that I’ve ever had a perfect weekend in Tank the 401k. But, man I nailed it last week. Let’s try and keep the trend going as your boy has a winning record heading into the final weekend of October. WOOOOOOOO!

BIG NATURAL’S TANK THE 401K PICKS

NCAAF: Washington State -3 @ Arizona – I tried to tell y’all that that Cal game was the flukiest game of the season. I like the Cougars to score with anyone, but that defense is underrated. They’re going to have their hands full with a resurgent Wildcats roster, but I like ’em to win big. I still think they’re the best team in the Pac-12. Oddly enough, I’ve ended up watching Washington State more than my own team this season. Does that make me an honorary fun? Love that late night Pac-12 football.

NFL: Pittsburgh -3 @ Detroit – I once called the Lions a Super Bowl contender lololololol. But, they are really middling out. Matthew Stafford can’t carry this team alone, especially against a Steelers offense that is surging right now. The Lions have a chance because the rest of the NFC North is very ‘meh,’ but I wouldn’t count on them covering this spread.

NCAAF: Texas A&M PICK vs. Mississippi State – Two teams that are vastly superior to where they were projected before the season started. This is actually a pretty big game that could have major bowl implications. Don’t think either of these teams end up in New Orleans, but whoever wins this game could very well end up in the Citrus Bowl or Gator Bowl. That said, they’re pretty evenly matched. In a pick ’em, you go with the home team.

NFL: Chicago +9 @ New Orleans – The Saints are suddenly the best team in the NFC South, and they’re doing it with defense….just like we all drew it up. That said, I like this feisty Bears squad since they made the move to Mitchell Trubisky. I expect this one to be a pretty low-scoring affair, with the Saints eventually winning by a touchdown. The Bears should cover nine.

NCAAF: Wyoming +1.5 vs. New Mexico – The Cowboys are starting to play pretty well, so I’m not sure why the Lobos are favored on the road in this game. Per the eye test, these look like two bowl teams, but I’m going with Wyoming to win outright here.

NCAAF: Penn State +6.5 @ Ohio State – Ah, the big one. Here we are, folks. This one quite simply comes down to how legitimate you think James Franklin’s team is. Personally, I like ’em. I think they are the most complete team in the Big Ten. They have the Heisman frontrunner, and I think they ride him to victory in Columbus on Saturday. But, regardless, this game could decide who wins the Big Ten, which is pretty crazy. YUGE game.

Last Week: (5-0)
On the Season: (23-21-1) – 52%

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. A strong advocate of GSD (get shit done) and #BeBetter, he’s down to talk Tennessee Titans and Alabama Crimson Tide football over a beer any day. Check him out covering the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley@WrestlingNewsCo

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