Welcome back to the Unicorn Watch here on SoBros Network. This is a little feature we run every now and then when we see a man or a woman who seems special. It serves as a reminder to those of you out there who are still hunting your unicorn that these wonderful people exist in the world. Today, we’re looking at a woman who apparently has a booty bottle opener:
Man, just last weekend, I was hanging with my cousin-in-law in my aunt and uncle’s garage (sounds cool, doesn’t it?), tossing back some Coronas. I didn’t have my bottle opener on me, so we kept having to open bottles via the ol’ edge of the table trick. But, that wouldn’t have been necessary if this lady was around!
We’d just have to say, “pardon me, miss, but can I borrow your butthole for a minute?” And we’re good to go.
But, the skills this woman possesses are otherworldly. I don’t want to brag, but I’ve always thought that I’ve had the hardest butt in town. Seems like a weird thing to be proud of, but you guys don’t understand my butt. It’s firm. You want to smack my butt? I can clinch and it’ll feel like slapping the side of an oak tree. But, I didn’t do anything to earn this butt – it was a blessing….one that I don’t understand, and I do have to live with that burden.
So, that said, I can’t imagine what this woman’s butt feels like. I mean, it has to be like a vise grip. You put your finger in that thing, you’d best expect that you’re just going to lose it. Props to her – this is not only an entertaining talent, but a useful skill. So, ladies and gentlemen, let this serve as a reminder to get you a man or woman who can do both.
Anyway, the night before Thanksgiving is approaching, and apparently that’s a huge party day, so here’s to hoping you all find your unicorn this season!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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