Courtesy of The Charlotte Observer:
Could you please pass the … cocaine?
Nice lead, Charlotte Observer. Way to go. You guys are so clever.
A Thanksgiving dinner in a Minneapolis apartment turned violent after a dinner guest lit a crack cocaine pipe and didn’t offer to share, according to the Hennepin County Attorney’s Office. Anenia Marie Hare, 47, was charged with murder after a fight over the cocaine lead to 69-year-old Edward Caliph’s death, reported the Star Tribune.
Holy shit – stuff like this happens in Minnesota? We have a couple readers up there. I may need to confer with them about whether or not this story is legit. I’m just shocked. Perhaps I’m more shocked by the fact that these people are grown ass adults. I thought crack pipes were only for teenagers and some late bloomers in their early 20s. That just goes to show you how much I know about drugs.
According to the criminal complaint, Hare invited Caliph over to her apartment to have Thanksgiving dinner. Before they started to eat, however, she looked over and saw him lighting up a crack pipe. This made her angry, because Caliph had not asked permission to smoke crack and had not offered to share, according to the complaint.
Boy, I tell you what – nothing preps you for a gigantic holiday meal quite like crack. I think Anenia Marie had a right to be angry. It sounds like she was just being polite and not smoking crack in front of her guest….you know…because you typically don’t do that when you have guests. But, once it’s there, you have to have some. That’s just the nature of the beast. So, really, shame on Edward here for not sharing. He could’ve avoided this whole thing with one simple gesture.
Hare told officers she walked up to the front of the apartment with a butcher knife in one hand and a TV antenna in another in an “attempt to be dominating,” according to the complaint.
Yeah, you know – it’s hard to really intimidate someone if all you have on you is a butcher knife. You guys may laugh at this, but you’ve very clearly never had your ass whooped with a TV antenna. The minute she grabbed that, it may as well have been Jason Voorhees walking through that door.
After a while, Hare told police Caliph started snoring, and she got off of him. She could not wake him up, so she dialed 911 four times, telling the dispatcher things like “I put his a** to sleep” and “I just felt like I put him in a sleeper hold or something,” according to the complaint.
Damn. Have you ever been in the middle of a fight and your opponent just started snoring? What would you do? You would immediately let go, right? This is a brilliant defensive strategy….assuming, of course, that you aren’t dead. That might complicate things.
He was taken to the hospital but was declared dead of “homicidal violence” after an autopsy, according to the complaint. Hare was charged with second-degree murder without intent, according to the Hennepin County Attorney’s Office.
Nothing sounds more damning than “homicidal violence” – yeesh. What a shitty Thanksgiving.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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