By now, you know we have declared this week ‘XFL Week’ considering that the announcement of the XFL’s return is the biggest thing going on in professional American football right now. Vince McMahon stated during last Thursday’s announcement that he had no cities in mind at the moment, but that no city was off the table.
Folks, there are a lot of cities in the world. That’s quite the daunting task if McMahon intends to review every city in the world’s candidacy as a potential suitor for the XFL. Thankfully, there are journalists with integrity out there (us) who are willing to pitch in and help the XFL do the dirty work. With that said, we’ve compiled our own list of potential cities and even team names, that the XFL should be targeting.
Memphis Maniax
Why mess with success? I mean, we know Memphis is going to need a team so they can all finally get over Nashville getting the Titans. Because getting an XFL team is JUST as good as getting an NFL team. But, this would be a nice nostalgic throwback to the original XFL.
Flint Tropics
You know what? It worked in Semi-Pro, so why couldn’t it work in the XFL? Everyone would absolutely gravitate towards this team. They would be like the New England Patriots of the XFL regardless of whether or not they actually win.
Austin Hogs
This isn’t referencing the animals. This is referencing big ol’ hogs….like men’s penises… But, because it’s Texas, everyone’s going to assume that you’re talking about vicious wild boars. And, that’s the joke that all of the Austin Hogs fans are in on. And, if you build that sort of camaraderie, you’re basically guaranteed success.
East Tennessee Methheads
It’s topical and relevant – I’m not sure anything better describes East Tennessee than this. Maybe Kenny Chesney. So, you could honestly call this team the East Tennessee Methheads or the East Tennessee Kenny Chesneys and really I’d be fine with it. This team doesn’t even have to be headquartered in Knoxville. Just build a stadium somewhere in the middle of the Smoky Mountains.
Las Vegas Rybacks
Wasn’t Ryback billed from Las Vegas? Or, is he actually from there? Either way, he’s practically a legend there. It’s hard to imagine Las Vegas allowed the Raiders to remain the Raiders when they announced they were moving. I’m really surprised they didn’t change the name to the Rybacks as a condition of their arrival. But, Las Vegas won’t let it slip through the cracks in the XFL.
San Jose Snakes
Think about it – we don’t have any ‘snakes’ in professional sports. Sure, there are the Diamondbacks, but nothing that encompasses all snakes in general. Plus, phonetically, it fits with San Jose Sharks. This could mean real money in that market just from people buying Snakes merchandise thinking it’s Sharks merchandise.
Orlando Harry Potters
You can’t call ’em the Orlando Magic because that’s already taken. But, you definitely want something that references wizardry, because that’s just the Orlando spirit. It truly is a magical place. And, who captures magic better than Harry Potter?
Milwaukee Bull Hooves
I don’t know if people from Milwaukee have notorious bull hooves, and I really hate to make that assumption, but hot damn – this one just rolls off the tongue. I’m going to have it stuck in my head the rest of the day, just constantly thinking, “Milwaukee Bull Hooves. Milwaukee Bull Hooves, and Milwaukee Bull Hooves.”
Omaha Bird Domes
Like the Bull Hooves, this one just rolls off the tongue. And, you know – there are too many teams that are championed by single birds…the Seahawks, the Hawks, the Pelicans, etc. etc. I would want my team to be represented by the entire bird dome from Jurassic Park. Pterodactyls, mutant pigeons, the whole shebang. That’s what Omaha’s going to get in its XFL franchise.
Raleigh Paul Heggens
I mean….come on. What did you expect from this blog? We’re definitely Team Heggen. And, who better to represent the fine city of Raleigh?
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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