By now you already know that the biggest news in American football this week is definitely the resurrection of the XFL. Last Thursday, Vince McMahon took to the Twitterverse to announce that he would be bringing back a brand of football that every boob, beer, and America loving citizen of the United States would clamor to watch.
We’ve talked about what McMahon can do to make the XFL work, the impact it’ll have on college football, and potential cities (totally serious). So, now that leaves the question: who’s going to run the damn thing?
Don’t worry, folks. I have a few candidates in mind.
Stone Cold Steve Austin
I know I said that the WWE should do everything they can to stay the fuck out of the XFL, but Stone Cold Steve Austin isn’t technically affiliated with the WWE, so he doesn’t count. Quite simply, Austin is every boob, beer, and America lovin’ sumbitch out there.
What do you think’s going to happen when you announce him as XFL commissioner? You’re going to get every patriot in the entire United States to tune in. That’s what.
Jon Gruden
This may be a long shot, considering he just signed a $100 million contract to coach the Oakland Raiders. But, the Grumors have to persist no matter what the job is. When I see Gruden, I say, “now here’s a guy who really knows how to grind one out.”
That sounds sexual – but you get my point. And, yes – I just used a Grudenism to describe Gruden. But, Gruden knows that mental toughness is the most important thing anyone can possess ever, so you better believe he’d instill that into the XFL.
Johnny Manziel
McMahon said that they wouldn’t allow criminals to play, but he never said anything about whether or not people with a criminal record would be allowed to be commissioner.
Enter Manziel. You know Manziel would be a lightning rod commissioner. I’m envisioning his iteration of the XFL as a scene out of Mad Max. Just pure chaos – and I think I like that.
Rex Ryan
You’ll have to ignore the fact that he just looks like one of those guys who farts. You know what I’m saying? Like, some dudes you look at and just think, “that motherfucker probably farts up a storm.” That’s Ryan.
But, the guy comes from a tremendous football family, shoots from the hip, and is just the fiery type of guy to rain hard justice down upon the XFL.
Clay Travis
As long as he’s not trying to predict the weather, Travis is the perfect candidate for XFL Commissioner. He has a thorough understanding of what the average football fan wants and knows how to implement it.
He’s tough but fair in the manner which he holds people accountable, and he once said ‘boobs’ on CNN. I don’t really know what else you’re looking for in a commissioner.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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