Valentine’s Day – Dick Flamingo

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The name is Flamingo.

Dick Flamingo.

Some of you know me, and you know exactly where I stand on Valentine’s Day. But, for those of you who don’t, it’s time I set the record straight. Now that I have this awesome platform with these SoBros boys, I figured it’s high time I take my crusade against this bogus ass holiday to the Internet streets.

I’m trying to fucking help people, you know? Because the whole thing’s a waste of time and resources.

It may surprise some of you, but I’m a single man. I fly solo despite my uncanny resemblance to a young Tom Selleck. That’s why I have this avatar photo. I can’t reveal my actual face, but Tom Selleck’s is as close as it gets.

But even when I was with a woman, and with a man, and with both at the same time, I was just as adamantly opposed to Valentine’s Day.

Why? Because it’s all a bunch of bullshit, that’s why! This holiday was made up by the Hallmark empire and all of those greedy greeting card companies because people quit buying their shit after Christmas.

We don’t even know that Saint Valentine was a real person, and even if he or she was, when the fuck did this person say, “you can only exhibit your love by buying chocolate and a little piece of paper that expresses your love.”

It’s just horse shit. HORSE. ASS. SHIT. I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m getting angrier just typing this essay. I’m sorry for yellin’ but it just gets my blood boiling. All these sheeple bought it hook, line, and sinker. And now, every year, everyone feels all this pressure to get it right, or worse, top the year before.

Wouldn’t it just be easier to celebrate love every day? I’m talkin’ about layin’ the pipe…..every day…and then maybe we wouldn’t need to set a reminder and set aside a date to remember to stop and love each other. What a damn crock of shit. What a waste.

The only good thing about Valentine’s Day is that you usually get to fuck. See ya.

Dick Flamingo is the Opinion Columnist for SoBros Network. Dick Flamingo is “Chief Expert on Not Giving a Fuck,” according to Dick Flamingo. Follow on Twitter: @SoBroFlamingo

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