First and foremost, I would like to preface this article by saying that I am a huge Clay Travis fan. In fact, he’s probably the biggest reason that this site even exists. I’ve been featured on Outkick twice, and Clay was the first person to ever pay me for writing something. I doubt he remembers me, though. According to Paul Kuharsky, no one knows who I am or what I do.
This is @PaulKuharskyNFL. No one knows who you are or what you do. We have established that you and your ‘staff” are not funny. Have a lovely weekend.
— The Midday 180 (@Midday180) February 16, 2018
If I hadn’t heard about Clay Travis walking away from lawyering to pursue his dream of making dick jokes online, I probably never would’ve gotten the push to start writing myself. In turn, this bitch known as the SoBros Network never would’ve come to life.
Secondly, I would like to add that yes, this post is about an entire fucking month late. I forgot about it. I was really #madonline, then forgot I was #madonline, then I thought, “ehhhhh – is this post still going to be funny a month later?” Then, I thought, “screw it – we run the site. We make the rules! I write what I want!” And, of course, there’s obvious social justice at stake here, too – which is always the most important thing when you’re talking about taste in movies.
Thirdly, I can’t find Travis’ original tweet regarding this matter. It’s so old, and I’m not scrolling through anyone’s Twitter feed long enough to find a month-old Tweet. We’re just going to roll with it.
Okay, now that those things are out of the way…let’s talk.
Those of you that follow Travis know that he’s known for taking outrageously reasonable middle-ground stances on issues that many perceive as ‘alt-right,’ ‘conservative’ or ‘stupid,’ despite the fact that he announced on Twitter he was an Obama voter twice.
He’s gone on CNN and talked about boobies, and every day it seems like the Internet, as a whole, is #madonline at something he’s said. Usually, I just sit back and laugh. Travis has a nice habit of retweeting and sharing some of the more ridiculous responses he gets, and it’s all good fun.
But, about a month ago, upon the release of Black Panther, he said something that I can apparently only let slide for a month, while forgetting about it periodically, before addressing. He said that all of the Blade movies were better than Black Panther. Then, doubled down by adding that all of the Iron Man movies were better than Black Panther.
I thought I was going to have a heart attack. At the very least, I needed a safe space on some university for a moment or two.
But, ultimately, I thought, “Stoney – you trust this man’s opinion. Give him the benefit of the doubt and watch Blade.” So, I did. And, it was bad. I have been betrayed by Clay Travis.
Point #1: If not for the first Captain America and the second Thor, Iron Man 3 would be the worst Marvel movie out of the entire universe. It was that bad. Incredibly sloppy, tried to fit too much into one movie, and The Mandarin was one of if not the worst super villain in movie history. There’s no way that all of the Iron Man movies are better than Black Panther because of Iron Man 3 alone.
Point #2: Blade is a terrible movie. Awful acting, virtually no story, and goofy special effects.
Point #3: Was Black Panther at least a little over-hyped? Yes, but Michael B. Jordan and Chadwick Boseman were phenomenal in their respective roles. Plus, Marvel did a great job of exploring the rich history of the Black Panther character. I can see how that might be boring if you’re not into the character. But, does that warrant saying the mess that is Blade is better? No. It’s probably one of the five to eight best movies Marvel has put out, and it’s 1,000,000% better than Blade.
I don’t even care about the social impact of Black Panther – if people want to be happy about it, be happy about it. Celebrate it. If you don’t want to celebrate it, whatever. It has no bearing in this conversation today. I’m talking strictly from a quality of movie standpoint.
Maybe back when I was 12 years old (when the movie came out), I would’ve loved Blade. But, as a 31-year-old man watching it for the first time, I felt like I completely wasted the time I spent watching the first movie. I can’t believe someone as intelligent as Clay Travis thinks Blade is good. And, I can’t believe that so many people came out in support of his opinion.
No one will ever convince me to watch Blade II or III.
As a result, I will be burning my copy of Dixieland Delight tonight. This is a bona fide outrage. We need our pitchforks, and we need to march on Nashville.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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