The name is Flamingo.
Dick Flamingo.
Sorry, guys – I haven’t been in touch since Valentine’s Day. Been too busy fuckin’ – haha J/K but could you imagine? Fuckin’ for a month and a half straight? Anyway, I just thought I’d check in with you guys.
Been having a little bit of writer’s block, but something happened over the weekend that I just had to share with you guys.
So, y’all have gotten to know me over the course of the two columns I’ve written here at SoBros Network. You know I tend to operate under a very horny nature. Now, just for clarity’s sake, that’s to say that I’m always DTF. I can get hard quicker than a fupa hits the floor after a trip to Golden Corral.
Well, I know I talk a big game, but I really haven’t had sex but twiced since Valentine’s Day. One was with my neighbor Gene, and it was kind of sad but I still count it. Gene seems like a weird name for a woman, but I swear that’s what she said her name was when I helped her pressure wash her deck. The other time was with some steamy hot broad who thought I was Tom Selleck. Hey, in Nashville – you never know who you’re going to run into.
But, back to my story – it’s Saturday night, and I’m feeling extra horny. I was out with two of my buddies, Mike and William. Mike, I swear on my life, looks at our waitress and says, “I’ll have some poontang.”
I thought it was a bold move. Little early in the night for flat out asking people for vag. But, I’ll be daw gong if this cutie didn’t look at him and say, “sure thing.”
My face lit up like the 4th of July. I didn’t know it was that kind of establishment, but hot damn – here we are. I asked Mike, “Mike – you just ordered poontang and they’re gonna hook you up?”
Mike said, “yeah.”
So, at this point, I’m like…gettin’ ready for it, you know? I’ve got a little half-chub going just so I’m ready when the moment strikes.
But, the waitress walks up, and my mouth is practically watering for some snatch. She puts this basket of gravy down in front of us and says, “here’s your poontang.” I was a little confused, so I put my dong back in my pants and asked Mike what it was all about.
He laughed right in my face when I told him I thought he said poontang. Apparently, this “poutine” thing is a traditional Canadian dish! It was quite delicious.
Ain’t that the damnedest thing, though?
“Poutine”
Anyway, this has been Dick Flamingo and I’ll talk to y’all next time.
Dick Flamingo is the Opinion Columnist for SoBros Network. Dick Flamingo is “Chief Expert on Not Giving a Fuck,” according to Dick Flamingo. Follow on Twitter: @SoBroFlamingo
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