The Guy Who Broke Into a Nashville Popeye’s Was Not a Smart Criminal

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Criminals are getting more and more creative all the time. But, just like people like to make ‘artisan’ this and ‘organic’ that, I guess the criminal field has its own little vintage niche as well. But, I don’t think it quite works the same as retails. Take this dude who broke into a Nashville Popeye’s, for instance.

Courtesy of News Channel 5:

Police were called to a Nashville fast food restaurant after a man broke in through the drive-thru window and stole the cash register.

Officials with Metro Nashville police said the suspect busted out the drive-thru window and crawled into the restaurant.

It appears the suspect initially tried to open the drawer. After several unsuccessful tries, he instead grabbed the entire register and exited through the window.

However, he wasn’t wearing gloves and police said he left fingerprints all over the scene.

GBO, am I right?!?! I try to tell people the future is coming all the time, but no one seems to listen. This would-be thief is no different.

But, from the jump, this just seemed like a flawed plan. I mean, you can’t just bust a window out and sneak into a place anymore – there are cameras everywhere. You’re going to leave a ton of evidence behind. Not to mention, you’re only disguising yourself with your UT hat. Your face is probably out there for people to see. And, you aren’t wearing gloves and are apparently touching every damn thing in the building, leaving your fingerprints everywhere.

Why Popeye’s, though? I’ve never seen a busy Popeye’s in Nashville. Did he think that there would be some huge stockpile of cash laying around somewhere? I like that he didn’t have a bag either – as if he was just going to stuff a cash register’s worth of money into his pocket and run. Also, something tells me this guy has no idea what to do with an unopened cash register. I would bet money he was intending to just take it home and beat it with a hammer until money came out. That, as wrong as it may be, is something I would’ve loved to see.

The bottom line is that vintage crime just doesn’t work in 2018 with the advent of technology. So, this guy should have been a little better prepared.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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