Forgotten Treasures of Americana: American Gladiators

Share This Post

In our never ending quest to provide all of our readers with relatable, ‘slice of life’ style content, we here at the SoBros Network feel the time to weigh in on social commentary has officially come. It’s once again time for me, Big Natural, to open up the leather-bound parchment pages of the annals of history. Put on your plush robe, light your pipe, start a fire, and get ready for deep contemplation. This is the as-often-as-I-remember-to-write-it column: Forgotten Treasures of Americana. Today, we will be looking back upon the fabled institution known as American Gladiators.

Has it really been six months since our last Forgotten Treasures of Americana? My goodness – maybe this is what has been off with my soul lately. Well, gather round, folks. Maybe we all could use a quick trip down memory lane.

Today, we’re going to be reminiscing about the glory days of one of the greatest television shows of my childhood.

The original iteration of American Gladiators aired from 1989 to 1993. The premise was basically putting average Joes against elite level world class athletes in competitions of strength and agility. It was about as physical and athletic a game show as you could imagine.

The whole thing was formatted like a tournament – each episode had two guys competing against each other and two women competing against each other. Over the course of the season, the victors would compete towards the Grand Championship (awesome name). All of the contests were completely over the top, but made for quite the spectacle.

Everyone remembers the jousting gimmick, but personally I was a big time Powerball guy. Even today, at 32 years old, I still think that’s probably the most accurate measure of a man’s will and toughness. Having to get around several Gladiators to deposit a nerf ball into a glorified trash can. What is grittier than that?

Hang Tough also comes to mind here. Here’s something stupid – when I was a kid, I actually thought that’s what the gymnastic rings were made for. Like, they weren’t made for gymnastics competitions like The Olympics – no, those were made for American Gladiators and The Olympics just copied them.

But, for the most part, it was the Gladiators that drew me in. No shit, I really thought this cast of characters was comprised of the best athletes in the world. As a kid, it just didn’t get any bigger than being an American Gladiator. That was bigger than winning a Super Bowl, winning the WWE Championship….all of it. I thought Nitro could’ve outrun Bo Jackson. That’s how disillusioned I was as a child. That’s how much I drank the Kool-Aid.

As far as the Gladiators go, I was always a big fan of Turbo – that was my guy. But, at one point, I dreamt of growing up to be one myself. And, if I had had it my way, I would’ve grown up to seduce Lace with my charming wit and we would’ve ruled the American Gladiators kingdom side by side. But, these are just the ravings of an insane seven year old Big Natural.

For as long as I live, I swear I will never forget Malibu eating that dropkick. That affected me as a kid. I saw that and thought, “that is what it looks like to die.” But, at the same time, I used to think the Gladiators were literal super humans. I thought that if some average dad could stroll into the arena and do that to Malibu, then anything in life was possible.

That’s how inspirational this show was. Also, holy shit! American Gladiators has their own YouTube channel with all kinds of throwback clips?!?! I know what I’m doing this weekend. See ya bye.

By the way, in addition to being flat out tremendous television, they also had the best toys:

Earlier this year, Seth Rogen…yes….Seth Rogen announced that he had plans to bring this show back to the masses. No real word on how likely that is to happen, but boy oh boy, wouldn’t that be something? Stay tuned.

PRIOR FORGOTTEN TREASURES OF AMERICANA FEATURES

3D Doritos
3OH!3
AIM
Braided Belts
Hasbro WWF Action Figures
Homework
Mama’s Family
Playing Outside
The Super Soaker 50

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

Check out the SoBros Shop. Subscribe to our Patreon. Give us money for no reason. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork. Listen on SoundCloud. Watch on YouTube.

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Get updates and learn from the best

More To Explore