Shocking breaking news and one hell of an urgent announcement to get to this morning. Elite institution of research, WalletHub, has published their latest scholarly study of American society. They list Tennessee among the worst in several categories that could spell dire consequences for residents of the Volunteer State.
A new study has determined the Volunteer State is the 5th most sinful state in America.
The study conducted by WalletHub compared the states using seven dimensions: anger and hatred; jealousy; excesses and vices; greed; lust; vanity; and laziness.
Those dimensions were measured using 43 metrics; with “data set ranges from violent crimes per capita to excessive drinking to share of the population with gambling disorders.”
While the study places Tennessee in the top five most sinful, it also ranks the state in first-place for “anger and hatred.”
Tennessee also placed 3rd for “lust.”
Well, there you have it, folks. We. are. fucked. Pray for our souls. They used 43 metrics….shit, if they had used 40, I might be calling into question the integrity of this study. But, 43? Yeah….we’re doomed.
The mighty WalletHub has deemed us immoral people. We at least need a good hard long look in the mirror. Maybe even a complete human cleansing…I’m not sure what you call genocide on the state level, but it’s fair to say it’s time to blow Tennessee off of the map.
WalletHub said so. WALLETHUB!
Honestly, though – this second-rate “research” makes me want to HORSE LAUGH *smooths mustache*. I’m thinkin’ we parlay this into a new tourism campaign. Someone get Visit Music City on the phone right away.
I can see it on billboards now. “Nashville: Come sin and lust! Do it angrily if you so choose!” Alternatively, “Tennessee: Sounds Sinful to Me!”
I don’t know – I’m immediately second guessing that strategy. Maybe we leave out the angrily part. Angry lust sounds a bit aggressive, and I don’t think that’s a fair representation of our fine state.
You know what I want to see? The FUN rankings – ’cause I guarantee you that Tennessee will be #1 in those! Eat that, WalletHub.
PS. I just watched The Hateful Eight to those of you who caught the horse laugh reference.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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