In our never ending quest to provide all of our readers with relatable, ‘slice of life’ style content, we here at the SoBros Network feel the time to weigh in on social commentary has officially come. It’s once again time for me, Big Natural, to open up the leather-bound parchment pages of the annals of history. Put on your plush robe, light your pipe, start a fire, and get ready for deep contemplation. This is the as-often-as-I-remember-to-write-it column: Forgotten Treasures of Americana. Today, we will be looking back upon the basilisk. Yes, the serpent king of snakes or whatever.
How fuckin’ sick was the basilisk? I don’t think we talk enough about it, which is PRECISELY why I decided to bring it up on this, the very latest edition of Forgotten Treasures of Americana. I used to think about the basilisk a lot as a kid – how a snake wasn’t enough to really pose a threat, but a dragon was too overdone. A simple serpent wasn’t imaginative enough, so naturally, I was drawn to the basilisk as an enemy of just about every conquest I made in my back yard pretending to be a knight, a cowboy, or a superhero (seriously, if y’all are holdin’ out on some X-Men vs. a basilisk comics that I don’t know about, hmu).
But, before I continue gushing about this magnificent beast, I realize some of you may need a refresher on what exactly the basilisk is. Courtesy of Wikipedia:
In Europeanbestiaries and legends, a basilisk is a legendary reptile reputed to be a serpent king, which was hybrid from a rooster and a serpent, who can cause death with a single glance.
So, how about that? That’s a bad bitch right there. Head of a chicken and knock yo ass out cold just by looking your direction. AND, it’s literally a king. A serpent king. No wonder people were so afraid of this thing in all of the photos. It has no weaknesses.
Oh….wait….the mongoose….the mongoose is the basilisk’s natural predator. WTF? Wait….wait…you mean to tell me that this thing that looks like a mix between a possum, a raccoon, and a house cat is mean enough to take down a basilisk? Oh, and….people think basilisks were actually king cobras? That’s a bit much. I feel bad about being so dramatic now. Maybe I shouldn’t put the basilisk up on a pedestal so much. Kinda regretting this post, to be honest.
I guess as long as we’re learning, that’s all that matters, right? And, the biggest lesson I learned today is that the mongoose is a bad, bad motherfucker.
FORGOTTEN TREASURES OF AMERICANA ARCHIVES
3D Doritos
3OH!3
AIM
American Gladiators
The Bermuda Triangle
Braided Belts
Hasbro WWF Action Figures
Homework
Mama’s Family
Playing Outside
Quicksand
That Marilyn Manson rumor…
The Super Soaker 50
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Alabama Crimson Tide football, the WWE, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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Image courtesy of Max Letek on Unsplash!
