Super Breaking News: Panda Express Coming to Donelson

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***UPDATE*** Multiple sources have confirmed to me that the Panda Express in Donelson is indeed NOW OPEN.

I happen to have a bit of super exclusive breaking news that no one else can get unless they have a car and can drive up and down Elm Hill Pike. You won’t find the major media outlets writing about this because no one knows that little stretch of Donelson next to Backyard Burgers even exists, but it’s buzzing with excitement now! Why? Because motherfucking Panda Express is coming to town!!!

Take a look at this exclusive journalism I did:

That’s right! Panda Express is popping up right there at the intersection of Elm Hill Pike and Donelson Pike.

Can’t sue me for that shit! I took that image on my fuckin’ lunch break the other day because THAT is what a dedicated journalist I am. Although I did find out that it’s frowned upon to just walk up on a live construction site and start poking around. Even if you tell them you’re “media,” they don’t like that – but sometimes, you just gotta do what’s right for the people. The truth is out there and all that.

That’s why I journalism – for the people. To get them the biggest and most important news stories in Nashville today. And, that’s what we have here.

I’m going to pass this thing every fucking day on my way to the real life job, and I already know I’m going to be tempted more than I ever have in my life. You could throw a million dollars in a sack down in front of me and say, “no one will ever know if you take this,” and I wouldn’t be as tempted as I am going to be once this Panda Express opens.

So much for my diet. Hope y’all like your EICs 500 pounds ’cause that’s what I’m finna be.

Anyway, more at 10 with Bob Mueller.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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