Breaking News: Jeremy Pruitt Has Never Seen “Titanic”

 In College Football, Football, SEC, Tennessee Volunteers

If you haven’t been paying attention to college football, the Tennessee Volunteers are off to the worst start they’ve had in years. Like, a lot of years. With an embarrassing loss to Georgia State to open the season and a last second OT loss to BYU, Jeremy Pruitt and company are under a lot of scrutiny. After the loss to Georgia State, two players decided to leave the program, which led to one of the most bizarre comparisons in college football history.

According to the Knoxville News-Sentinel, Pruitt said the following while speaking to the Quarterback Club:

“I think ‘Titanic‘ came out maybe when I was in college. When the boat starts going down, remember all the mice running to the top, right? We have had a few that left our program, but you will figure out who wants to be a Tennessee Vol and who don’t. I can tell you this: I want to. I know the standards and expectations that we have and the men on our staff and the character that we have.”

Ok.

There’s a lot to unpack here.

1. He just compared his program to a sinking ship.
2. Jeremy Pruitt has never seen the movie Titanic.

If he had, he would know what happened to all of the people that abandoned ship early. THEY SURVIVED. And the giant boat that he just compared his program to? IT BROKE IN HALF AND SANK TO THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN. Oh, and all of those people that didn’t hop off the sinking ship? THEY FROZE TO DEATH IN THE WATER.

I’m not even sure how this comparison works. Maybe it’s a warning: if you want to be a Volunteer, prepare to die of hypothermia. Or to be drowned in the lower levels of the ship depending on your economic status. (Man, that movie spent a LOT of time showing people dying horribly in the frigid Atlantic. I was 11 when I saw it and it probably ruined my childhood.)

If the program is Titanic, is one of the transfer players the old lady with the diamond? Is Jeremy Pruitt the Leonardo DiCaprio character? Has he been sketching nude people in his spare time? Maybe he’s the captain and Jarrett Guarantano is Leo? Is Georgia State the iceberg? I’m guessing it’s one giant iceberg and BYU gets to be part of it. Most importantly, who is Billy Zane? Is it Fulmer?

I’m making an executive decision that Phil Fulmer is now Billy Zane.

I know it’s a frustrating opening for the Vols, but you can’t drop this kind of allegory and keep your team inspired. Pruitt is a straight shooter, but he needs to pull a few of those punches. Pull the team together, don’t break it in half and sink it.

Is there a Head Coaching College out there? If there is, someone should enroll Jeremy Pruitt in “Don’t Compare Your Program to a Famous Disaster 101.” Steer clear of the Hindenburg, Chernobyl, and Roseanne Barr.

And get him a copy of Titanic. It’s not a bad movie.

Poppa Bear is the Lead SEC Analyst for the SoBros Network, and serves as our resident expert on the human anatomy, fixin’ stuff, and tomatoes. Follow on Twitter:@SoBroPoppaBear

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