Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into my weekly American football column, Tank the 401k. Here, I will divulge all my eagle-eyed opinions on the upcoming week. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. My lawyers say I shouldn’t claim to be an expert on anything)!
Dark days. I haven’t had a season this bad since 2016 when I had to write a Super Bowl betting guide just to get back to a winning season. I actually don’t even want you guys to read this column this week. I hate my life.
I’m only doing it so that I can say I wrote a betting column during every week of the football season. Fuck.
Anyway, it’s a big weekend in the college football world. It’s championship Saturday.
Well…the Pac-12 Championship is tonight but you get what I’m saying. Whatever. I still suck at this just like I did last week. I don’t even care about anything anymore.
BIG NATURAL’S TANK THE 401K PICKS
NCAAF: Oregon +6.5 vs. Utah (Pac-12 Championship) – I think Utah’s the better team and should be the favorites in this game, but I feel like it’s a lot closer than 6.5. I wouldn’t even be surprised to see the Ducks win this one. They’ll probably be a bit looser than the Utes knowing they don’t have CFP stakes on the line. I’m predicting a 24-20 type of game in favor of Utah.
NCAAF: Boise State -14 vs. Hawaii – Good on the Rainbow Warriors for making it to the Mountain West Championship, but folks – this is the Broncos game to run. They still have their sights set on a potential Cotton Bowl berth, so I expect ’em to be up big time for this game.
NCAAF: Baylor vs. Oklahoma, OVER 64.5 – Big 12 defenses….Baylor’s averaging 36.2 PPG…Oklahoma’s averaging 44.3 PPG…the first meeting between these two teams ended 34-31 in favor of Oklahoma. Baylor having a 21-point lead at one point in the game makes me nervous about picking Oklahoma in this game, so I think the OVER is the safer play.
NCAAF: UAB @ Florida Atlantic, OVER 49.5 – I don’t like the Owls being favored by eight….seems like one of those spreads that they could cover just as easily as they could fail to cover. But, I actually do like the OVER in this game. UAB is averaging 25.1 PPG, while FAU is averaging 34.1. The weather in Boca Raton is supposed to be 79 degrees tomorrow, perfect football weather. So, I expect both offenses to show out.
NCAAF: Georgia +7 vs. LSU – I still think the Tigers win this game, but the Bulldogs are going to keep it close. Georgia just hasn’t been that impressive on offense, but the Tigers defense has allowed bad teams to score some points on ’em this season (look back at Texas, Vanderbilt, Ole Miss). So, there’s room for the Bulldogs to get right and score some points. More importantly, I look at how the Tigers performed against that Auburn defense. The Bulldogs defense is among the best in the country, so it’s possible they end up in a similar type of game as that Auburn-LSU contest.
W-L Record: (5-7)
Last Week: (3-4)
On the Season: (30-31-1) – 49%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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