Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into my weekly American football column, Tank the 401k. Here, I will divulge all my eagle-eyed opinions on the upcoming week. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. My lawyers say I shouldn’t claim to be an expert on anything)!
Well, last week was a bit weird, sure. I had my picks, but just completely forgot to finish the column. I didn’t realize this until a little before kickoff. It’s just getting to that point in the year, folks. I’m hanging on by a thread here. I need a vacation. So, let’s just grind this shit out. Last Tank the 401k of 2019.
BIG NATURAL’S TANK THE 401K PICKS
NFL: Miami -1 vs. Cincinnati – Two terrible offenses. Two terrible defenses. But, only one team has Ryan Fitzpatrick, baby. Let’s go Dolphins.
NFL: Denver -6.5 vs. Detroit – The Lions have fallen apart. Seven losses in a row. Meanwhile, the Broncos are 2-1 in their last three. In Denver, I just don’t see the Lions having much luck.
NFL: Dallas -2.5 @ Philadelphia – This one’s for all the marbles. Errr…at least, whatever fuckin’ marbles the NFC East has. It just feels like this Cowboys team has all the talent in the world to make a run. This slide to 7-7 seems crazy when you look at the talent on this roster. I think they assert themselves on the Eagles this week.
NFL: Kansas City -5.5 @ Chicago – The Bears are cooked. The Chiefs are firing on all cylinders right now. They still have a shot at a bye in the playoffs. Patrick Mahomes is heating up. All signs point to Kansas City in this one.
NFL: Green Bay +4.5 @ Minnesota – Just feels Kirk Cousins can’t get it done in prime time. I trust the experience of Aaron Rodgers in this situation a lot more than I trust Cousins. The Vikings are 1-3 against teams that currently hold a playoff spot, mind you.
W-L Record: (7-7)
Last Week: (3-2)
On the Season: (36-34-1) – 51%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
Check out the SoBros Shop. Become a Patron. Give us money for no reason. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork. Watch on YouTube.
