Whoops! Accidentally Baked a Damn Snake in the Oven!

 In Humor

I’m not an expert chef or anything, but I would think that checking an oven before you bake something would be a routine step in the process. An oven is a dangerous device – that’s why I rarely if ever use one. What’s a surefire way of making sure your oven DOESN’T cause problems in your house? Just don’t use it.

Well, if this couple had practiced a little more caution in baking their pizza, they might not have cooked a fucking snake in their oven.

Courtesy of Fox News:

Amber Helm and her husband Robert Helm were cooking a frozen pizza Monday night when they started smelling smoke.

“I opened up the oven and thought, ‘Is that part of the oven?’ I looked more closely and it was a snake,” Amber told The News & Observer.

Well, that had to be a surprise.

At least the thing was dead when they pulled it out of the oven. Like, that’s probably as well as an encounter with a snake can go, y’know? No contact….no emotional trauma leading up to the encounter…you just have to reach in and scrape its ashy body out of the oven. Don’t have to worry about it jumping out and striking you on a whim. Don’t have to worry about having to awkwardly asking the person next to you to suck all that venom out of your wound. That can be particularly embarrassing if you get bit on the butthole.

I mean, sure – your pizza is ruined unless you’re the type of person who will eat a pizza that was baked with a snake in the same oven. Don’t lie – we all have that one friend. But, all in all, I think this is probably the best way you can defeat a snake without having to lift a finger.

For the record, this family did NOT eat the pizza.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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Photo courtesy of Stefan C. Asafti on Unsplash!

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