Let’s face it – every day we are routinely bombarded with questions. When you’re an emerging media company in Nashville, people just want to know what your opinions are on everything. It’s only natural. And, since our duty is to serve the people, well, we have no choice but to be present. That’s the SoBro Way. Also, aren’t mailbags just a barrel of laughs anyway? Welcome to the newest weekly recurring feature up in this bitch: The SoBros Mailbag. As always, use #SoBrosMailbag to hit us up on Twitter.
Question:
Is this the end?
— Ryan Hogan (@lonesome_hobo) March 12, 2020
Answer:
I’ve been chewing on a few different answers here.
First: “There is no end, and there never will be an end. Even once we perish, our molecules are still here.”
Second: “Honestly, I kinda think the human race deserves it to be.”
Finally: “Things will only end when the people that run the simulation unplug me.”
You guys can decide which one you like best.
Question:
If you were going to get a portrait of a celebrity tattooed on you who would it be and why?
— Righteousjesse (@RighteousJesse) March 12, 2020
If you could make your own flavor of white claw what would it be?
Answer:
Nick Gage hitting the Orange Cassidy pose. That trip was a special one. OC is my favorite wrestler on the planet. Those are some of the sentimental reasons I went with that one, but also…it’s just completely random, and I feel like that’s a nice homage to the energy I carry with me.
I’m a big time pomegranate guy. Give me pomegranate everything. Rockstar used to make a pomegranate energy drink and it was my favorite of all time. Give me a pomegranate White Claw and I might not drink anything else ever again.
Question:
What are you putting in your apocalypse emergency backpack?
— Hoopin’ Schneef (@SoBroCadbury) March 12, 2020
Answer:
A knife (I just laughed thinking of the kid running and yelling “IT’S A KNIFE” for some reason), a flask (full of gin, mind you), a single hammer (inside joke regarding my preparedness for tornado relief volunteering), beef jerky, a can of black eyed peas, a flashlight, a fleshlight, and the bottle of orange juice that Orange Cassidy came out with at GCW Lights Out that Jesse grabbed for me. I would also bring 48 rolls of toilet paper because that’s apparently what you need most during an apocalypse.
Question:
Can I be a guest one of your podcast episodes?
— Christian Eulinberg (@musiccitynerd) March 12, 2020
Answer:
Absolutely. Would love a Film Optix and Vick’s Flicks crossover event!
Question:
MFK – flu, coronavirus, Ebola
— sobrostan (@sobrostan) March 12, 2020
Answer:
Gotta marry the flu. That’s the easy one…we’re already practically married to the flu, so not a lot would change. I’m gonna go with fucking the coronavirus. The symptoms don’t seem too painful, and a lot of the science is saying that it comes and goes pretty quickly if you’re not a high risk patient. It might take a year, but I think we can beat this thing out. Fuck everything about “severe and uncontrollable bleeding” raw, so I’m killing Ebola and it’s not even close.
Question:
If nothing serious comes of this coronavirus, do either the media or the government get punished for causing mass hysteria and economic hardships? (I can probably answer for you…”No”)
— Cliff Hardy (@cliffcub4) March 13, 2020
Answer:
The easy answer is, you’re right Cliff, hell no.
But, I’m expanding because I do think this is an interesting question. I’m not a coronavirus denier. I think it is going to drastically effect our day to day lives in the coming weeks, and to be fair to Cliff, he followed this up by clarifying that he wasn’t saying that coronavirus wasn’t real…just that something else may be afoot here with all of the nonstop media coverage, etc..
The interesting thing here is that we’ll probably never have an exact idea as to how serious this thing could’ve been if the attempt to “flatten the curve” is successful. Those that are asserting that the media and government are blowing this thing out of proportion will be saying, “told ya it wasn’t a big deal!” Meanwhile, those that aren’t asserting that the media and government are blowing this thing out of proportion will be saying, “that’s because we flattened the curve!”
And, if we don’t flatten the curve and stop the spread (scientists say we can pretty well forget containment and ought to move on to worry about care), we’ll definitely find out whether or not this thing is serious soon enough.
Ultimately, that’s the middle ground I’ve found. I’m carefully keeping an eye on what people who are actually authorities on this matter are saying, and I’m keeping my ass clean. There’s not a whole lot that we can do.
I can’t get on board with all the panic buying, though. Even those that are preparing for the worst should understand that even in a worst case scenario, it’s probably going to be weeks…maybe even months according to some sources…before you’d need all that toilet paper and non perishable food you’ve been hoarding.
What’s the one way to ensure that that problem is compounded by a disruption in the supply chain and a sick work force in a week or so? Buy EVERYTHING RIGHT FUCKING NOW. It’s stupid, and I hope you’re all the first to get sick. Fuck it. I said it.
I know people are mad at members of the media and the government right now, and to a certain extent, I can definitely understand that. It is overwhelming and even I, a reasonable and calm individual, have had to back away from the news because it does start to make you feel a bit like the sky is falling.
Maybe I’m old school in this mentality…but the people should be held accountable for their actions as well. Don’t be an asshole. Do the due diligence required to inform yourself with reliable data….not the emotional pleas of hot take sports writers or Facebook memes. At a certain point, you have to be held accountable for making the decision to go out, buy 100 rolls of toilet paper, and making the situation worse, and in turn, causing even more hysteria.
Sorry for the rant.
Keep the questions coming – catch y’all next week!
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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