Rest Easy, Folks: The Easter Bunny Has Been Deemed ‘Essential’ in New Zealand

New Zealand's Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, has officially declared the Easter Bunny an essential worker. Let's hope the rest of the world follows suit.

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There’s a lot of negativity out in the world today. New information on the COVID-19 pandemic is flooding our social media feeds on the hour. At this point, here in Nashville, we’ve been on quarantine for several weeks. I can’t even count the times I’ve left this tiny ass apartment in the last month on one hand. Thankfully, we have a bit of good news regarding the Easter Bunny to share today.

A direct quote from New Zealand PM Jacinda Ardern courtesy of RNZ:

“You’ll be pleased to know that we do consider both the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny to be essential workers, but as you can imagine at this time of course they are going to be potentially quite busy at home with their family as well and their own bunnies.”

If the Baskin-Robbins mascot can do it, why not these two? Whew, thank goodness. There we go – it’s officially the Easter Bunny’s time to shine after all. It was getting close to crunch time, too. I don’t know about you guys, but I was worried sick. Hopefully, New Zealand was just the first domino to fall, and the rest of the world will quickly give clearance for the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy to do their damn thing.

In a world gone mad, we need a a little feel good. Shit, I might start knocking my own teeth out just so I can get a visit. You don’t even have to leave me anything if you’re reading this, Tooth Fairy. Just show me some magic. Shine some light into my life right now. I’m fine. It’ll all be fine.

I’m suddenly in the mood for an Easter egg hunt now. Imagine that – a 33 year old man, alone in his apartment…hunting Easter eggs. This is fuckin’ weird. This quarantine has done some weird things to my brain – I need to get back on topic. Journalism.

What about the Cadbury bunny, though? This does beg the question about another key figure in world history that makes its living during the Easter holiday. The Easter Bunny and the bunny from the Cadbury eggs commercial. Do the right thing, leaders of the planet. Or, if you’re an alien reading this, then I know YOU can do something about this injustice. I will anxiously await your decisions, @ world leaders.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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