Cartoon Characters I’d Love to Roll up on

 In Entertainment, Humor, Television

Listen – I’m not above serving out some cold hard justice to people who need it. That urge has been in my bones for a long time….all the way back to my childhood, when I’d turn on one of my favorite cartoons and come across a character that I knew deserved a stone cold sock to the face. I was drunk last week and rambling about this in the SoBros group chat, and was surprised to see the team rattle off several characters they felt could be included in this discussion. So, I compiled all the answers in an article because that’s what credible journalists like myself do. If we could all somehow become cartoon characters, this is who we’d roll up on and beat the shit out of.

Cartoon Characters I’d Love to Roll up on

Fred from Scooby-Doo – This is what started the whole conversation. Someone on Twitter asked for us to power rank the Scooby-Doo characters. I can’t imagine caring less about Fred. Fred is a wet sock of a human being. I don’t think he’s malicious or villainous or anything like that. He’s just there – he’s useless, and he’s always saying the stupidest shit. Just one good pop would make him feel a lot less annoying.

Roger Klotz from Doug – Cadbury bringing the heat right off the bat. Always trying to ruin shit for Doug, Skeeter, and everyone around, Klotz was the definition of a bully. I don’t know if there’s a cartoon character in history that’s more deserving of getting dragged by his feet from the back bumper of my 2006 Nissan Altima, which we’ll also have to animate if we’re going to pull this off in cartoon world.

Randall Weems from Recess – I’m so glad Mose brought this one up, because I would’ve completely forgotten. If you didn’t hate Randall Weems as a kid, then quite frankly, you are a fucking cop caller. This bitch was an outright snitch, and we all know what happens to snitches.

Cosmo Spacely from The Jetsons – Look – I’m just saying….I only know two people whose catch phrase is “you’re fired….”

Angelica from Rugrats – I would never strike a child, but Rooster brought this one up in the group chat, so I will turn a blind eye while she strikes a child. IF there is a cartoon child that deserves it, it’s Angelica. Unless, of course, that conspiracy theory about Rugrats being “all in her head” is true.

The Roadrunner – Rooster just kind of quietly listed ‘The Roadrunner’ and when I told her I needed her to explain this one to me, she never responded. Journalism.

Okay, UPDATE – she has since followed up with, “He was an annoying shit. I thought everyone was rooting for Wile E.”

Yakko and Wakko from The Animaniacs“They were always pretty shitty to Dot.” -Rooster | “Little sexist fucks. “Helllllloooo nurse” gftoh” -Steven McCash.

Daffy Duck – Put him in the same category as Fred. Daffy Duck was always annoying af. Like, he was that guy that you just kinda had to put up with because of proximity. He was always around, but you never really enjoyed his company.

Pepé Le Pew – Yeah, really….this fuck should’ve been at the top of the list. What a creep – was this skunk ever NOT being a complete sleaze ball? Always forcing himself on other animals. This bitch deserved to have the shit kicked out of him and his pecker cut off. There – I said it. Hateful and petty? Sure. But, we’re going Tarantino on this motherfucker. Don’t act like he doesn’t deserve it.

That girl from Tiny Toons who would squeeze the shit out of every animal – I don’t remember this one, but apparently, Rooster has a whole host of cartoon characters she’d like to beat up at the ready. I mean, this girl sounds pretty bad and all….I’m just saying, I don’t remember.

Who would you beat up if you could turn yourself into a cartoon and drop into any show? This is a completely reasonable question to ask…

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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