Totally OUT on Riding a 115-foot Tall Wave

 In Humor

Well, folks – we have a really interesting story to get to today. Apparently, some German surfer went on an absolute tear over in Portugal and rode a 115-foot tall wave. That sounds like complete insanity to me, and honestly, we don’t even know what motivated this man to act the way he did. Like, I see this monstrosity coming and I’m ready to batten down the hatches. I’ve made peace with all my wrongdoings and I’m ready to ride this thing out to the other side if you catch my drift.

I can’t fathom how someone must be wired to see that and think, “nah, time to get my surfboard” instead. Just balls on balls on balls – Sam Cassell in this bitch.

Yeah, that’s a big time no from me, dawg. It’s the hardest of hard passes. As a matter of fact, I’m getting fucking dizzy just watching this clip. My anxiety is just about through the roof, and if I don’t get in and out of this post in a hurry, I might just have a panic attack.

What’s the goal here, man? To me, this looks like a total dick move. You wanna prove how badass you are? Just go out and juggle some swords or something, bro. Get a tattoo and walk over some hot coals – whatever! You don’t have to go 115 feet up in the damned ocean. That’s just a hardo vibe that I can’t get with. I mean, you probably could’ve gone 50 feet and it would’ve been just as impressive. Why 115? Just to really stick it to us regular, folks. What a showoff.

Has this guy never seen that Jurassic Park movie where the big sea creature thing creeps up in the big wave? HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING FROM THOSE MOVIES?!?! I was a nervous wreck watching this clip, just waiting for something to lunge out from the water and swallow this man up like a Jelly Belly. No effort, you’re just gone – eaten.

Also, I’m no geography expert, but I can look at a map and tell that Portugal doesn’t really look all that big. Are we sure we aren’t getting entertainment from a clip of a wave that’s about to decimate an entire country? I just want to ask, because that’s going to amplify what a dick move this was by this guy by a million. Everyone’s talking about how crazy this is and just 10 seconds later, the entire country is underwater. SMDH.

At least put up the GoFundMe for Portugal, damn.

Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley

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