Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, Stoney and Stan team up to offer their three locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros Gambling Picks.
Stan’s Picks
Currently trying to buy a house, get excited for the holiday season, working two full time jobs, and much much more. Including avoiding my bookie’s phone calls…. hopefully he doesn’t read this. If you want to make money this week, I recommend #fadestan.
Cowboys -1 – It’s a trap. I know it’s a trap. I’m here for the fans. #fadestan and collect your money.
Panthers +7.5 – Kind of going with the reverse juju on this one. Drew Brees is my fantasy quarterback and has been lackluster. #fadestan and maybe I’ll win a fantasy game?
Wisconsin -20 – Big 10 is back! Friday night – get the chips on the table early. No better feeling going into Saturday up money! #fadestan and you can be that lucky person.
PS I hate gambling
PPS I LOVE gambling.
Stoney’s Picks
What the FUCK. We have been 3-9 collectively over our last two week’s holy shit. Tank the 401k has never been this bad. Why are you guys even still here at this point?
Anyway, we all know there’s only one way to dig yourself out of a hole and that’s to keep digging, so let’s GSD.
Penn State -6 – Gotta go with a Big Ten game this week in honor of them actually kicking off their season. The championship hopes remain intact after a big win over a credible Indiana squad.
Packers -3.5 – I know I got burned last week betting Packers, but there’s NO WAY we get burned two weeks in a row, right?! Those are the rules in the NFL! Plus, the Texans had their hearts ripped out last week – I look for the Pack to rebound with a strong running game.
Titans-Steelers, OVER 50.5 – Two of the highest scoring offenses in the NFL going at it. I think it’ll be close in the 4th quarter, and these two units are going to have to put some serious points on the board to stay in it.
SEASON STATS
- Stan’s 2020 W-L: (7-8) – 47%
- Stan Last Week: (1-2)
- Stoney’s 2020 W-L: (7-8) –47%
- Stoney Last Week: (0-3)
- SoBros 2020 W-L: (14-16) – 47%
- SoBros Last Week: (2-4)
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD and #BeBetter. “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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