The name is Flamingo.
Dick Flamingo.
It’s time for me to drop some common sense.
Congratulations guys – we did it. We made it to one of the best sex holidays of the year. I hope all you all are gearing up for your favorite type of sex whatever that may be – rough, soft and sensual, whatever…different strokes for different folks, literallly, if you know what i mean. Fellas – it’s not too late to get that ball sack in order either. Head to the men’s grooming section at your llocal store and pick up some good shit from our friends at MANSCAPED. If they don’t have it, Karen that bitch up and speak to the manager. The Lawn Mower 3.0 will get those nuts clean in no time. If you’re not in any rush to get that bush in order, MANSCAPED has offered listeners of The Unofficial Titans Podcast 20% off and free shipping with the promo code ‘SOBROSTITANS’.
Alright, I got the sponsors in so the boss oughta be happy. Let’s get back to sex talk.
Hope you guys have given your dicks and vajayjays plenty of rest ’cause it’s gonna be one of those nights. Thanksgiving Eve. I have no idea how or when Thanksgiving Eve became such a big time party holiday. I guess it has something to do with everyone being home for the holidays? Some deal back in college….but I didn’t go to college. I found work as a mason while I was in the 6th grade here in Myrtle Beach and I didn’t never look back.
All I know is that this place is flockin’ with people that are just lookin’ to get fucked on nights like tonight. I’m raising a PBR to that. I got to thinkign tho. These nights cum few and far between, so you gotta treasure them whenever you can. I thought this would be a great article idea if i was to take nights like tonight and rank them because i know everyone at sobros network love making power rankings. Light up a Marlboro Red and let me know what you think.
The top sex holidays
5. New Year’s – its just so cold. it’s hard to put it on the mount rushmore of sex holidays. sure, it’s usually a big fun party and sometimes it can lead to group sex. but my dick’s cold just thinking about it.
4. Halloween – I always get way too drunk to perform on Halloween night. It’s up there with St. Patrick’s Day when it comes to drinking holidays, but personally, I haven’t had as much luck on Halloween as others. Whiskeydick will do that to ya.
3. Thanksgiving Eve – it’s a fun balance of holiday cheer and sex. not to mention, how does Thanksgiving dinner rank as a hangover meal? Just make sure you wash the sex off before you go hang with your family tomorrow.
2. Office Christmas Party – One time, I worked at a golf course, and people let so loose at the Christmas party that we were out driving through the streets of Myrtle Beach nude in golf carts. This is my most underrated sex holiday because it really is no holds barred when you get a bunch of people together who have shared in cubicle misery and are looking to go balls to the wall. You might not get lucky, but you’ll have a good time regardless, and if you do get lucky, it will be the wildest sex of your life.
1. Valentine’s Day – Everyone’s in the mood for some freaky shit on Valentine’s Day and because it’s not a big time party and drinking holiday, you don’t have to worry about the whiskeydick. It’s a time honored tradition.
Check out my whole list of articles here. I can’t believe this dumb company keeps paying me for this shit.
Dick Flamingo is the Opinion Columnist for SoBros Network. Dick Flamingo is “Chief Expert on Not Giving a Fuck,” according to Dick Flamingo. Follow on Twitter: @SoBroFlamingo
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