Welcome all degenerate gamblers back into our weekly American football betting column here on the SoBros Network, Tank the 401k. Call your bookie and empty those retirement accounts (actually, don’t really do that – this is just sarcasm. Our lawyers say we shouldn’t claim to be experts on anything because we’re not)! Each week, the SoBros team up to offer their five locks of the week – obviously, we’re not professionals here so take this advice with a grain of salt and don’t sue us if you piss all of your money away. That’s not our fault. Okay, I think we’re all set here – here are this week’s SoBros gambling picks.
STEVEN’S PICKS
What an amazing week for my 401k!!! My middle pointy finger brought the fire last week going 4-1 and we just missed out on a perfect week thanks to LSU’s 13-10 win over Arkansas and just missing the -3.5 spread. I think only makes sense to keep the BMPFE (Big Middle Pointy Finger Energy) going and just ride that middle pointy finger to climax.
- TCU -2.5 As I said on this week’s episode of the College Football Roundup, the superior teams in the playoff chase will be drilled in on Saturday especially those against superior opponents.
- UNC -21 The Tar Heels have just the slightest outside chance of making the playoff and are in desperate need of a blowout to make their resumé seem more attractive to the voters
- Tennessee -21.5 The Vols are breathing on the neck of TCU and the two unbeatens from the Big 10 and can not afford a let up at all if they want to stake their claim to one of the four playoff spots.
- Philadelphia -6.5 The Raiders are garbage and I am not about to buy in to the Colts are back storyline. The Eagles refocus and take out the frustration of losing their perfect season on Indianapolis.
- Cowboys/Vikings o47.5 I feel the points will be flying left and right in this matchup. The Justin Jefferson coming out tour continues as the former LSU Tiger has another monstrous game.
STONEY’S PICKS
OOF – tough scene for your boy after a 1-4 week. Looking back, I think I went with too many gut calls and threw up way too many “fuck it we ball” picks. Let’s get back to REAL analytics! YEAH!! HELL YEAH!
- Clemson -18.5 – Miami won’t be able to run the ball on Clemson the way they did against Georgia Tech. The Tigers are still remotely alive in the playoff race. They will look to win and win big. They’ll control the line of scrimmage and bully the Hurricanes around.
- Minnesota -2.5 – Two big fuglies doing some big fugly football. I’m giving the edge to the home team here because they are just a smidge better on offense than Iowa is. They might actually be able to score a touchdown.
- Tennessee-South Carolina, OVER 65.5 – To Steven’s point, the Vols are out for blood. They may hit this over on their own…
- Titans +3.5 – Not sure the Titans win this one, but I’d be surprised if they didn’t keep it within a field goal. That’s in this team’s DNA, and this is a defensive front that we saw go on the road to a hostile environment a couple of weeks ago and stifle the Chiefs. They can stifle this Packers rushing attack and steal one in Lambeau. They’re perfectly capable of that.
- Commanders -3 @ Texans – Washington has been a money machine! I love the toughness with which this team fights. It’s a certain character that makes me think they won’t slip up with this opportunity in Houston.
SEASON STATS
- Steven last week: (4-1)
- Steven’s 2021 W-L: (28-30) – 48.3%
- Stoney last week: (1-4)
- Stoney’s 2022 W-L: (28-30-1) – 48.3%
- SoBros last week: (5-5) – 50%
- SoBros 2022 W-L: (56-60-1) – 48.3%
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley
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