There’s no other way to get into this story, so I’m just going to say it. A board told this person they wouldn’t be able to open their *checks notes* adult diaper spa in their home. I don’t even know where I want to begin with this little gem of a story. Wherever we start and wherever we land, I am bound to make some of you uncomfortable this morning, and if this story doesn’t make you at least a little uncomfortable, I think we might have to have a talk. I like to think I’m a pretty progressive guy. I cry my fair share of liberal tears on a daily basis. But, I don’t really think I can get on board with the ‘adult diaper spa’ idea. I mean…we’re all thinkin’ it, right? I’m not alone here, am I? Pretending to be a kid and rolling around with other adults pretending to be kids and wearing diapers is totally unusual behavior, right? I mean…if I’m not being accepting enough, y’all let me know. But, I read this and immediately cringe out of fear. I do my best not to pass judgment on people, and thankfully, I am a perfect person who never does that. But, this story is testing me unlike any other story I’ve read before. Now, I understand why you have to apply to open a business….because man, this is certainly a business that needs some heavy regulations.
“Residents spoke out against the proposed opening, citing concerns over traffic and property values. There was also fears about what clientele would be showing up at the spa.”
I like how the residents tried to be nice about all of this. At first, they’re like “oh, but look at all the traffic the adult diaper spa will bring to the area…” Then, they’re like “well, what will it do for our property values?” But, then the gloves come off and they’re just straight up like “what about these fuckin’ weirdos that will be attending this thing? Do we really want this type of stuff going on in the neighborhood?” It’s the classic butter ’em up and soften ’em up only to bludgeon ’em down. They took this thing on like it was a PR job.
But, can you imagine being one of the people having to hear this argument? I’ve thought about getting into politics before, but I don’t think I’d be able to hide my befuddlement in this scenario. People would be talking to me about how they like to pretend to be a kid and wear a diaper around the house, and I would visibly be choking back vomit. Like I said, I am a perfect person that never passes judgment, but I would definitely at least think about swinging on someone.
By the way, I don’t want to be a kid again. I’m not saying my life is perfect now, but shit, I want to move forward not backwards. Being a kid again would suck – I’ve had a taste of freedom. I have control over my life, by and large. I make money. I can drink gin. I can’t understand the psychology of this shit at all, but hey – maybe that’s why I only have a Bachelor’s Degree in psychology and never pursued the discipline any further.
What if I closed this piece of journalism by saying “SIKE – SoBros HQ is actually an adult diaper spa?” I’m not going to do that. That’s too weird for my liking. I’m uncomfortable again.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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