I definitely would not classify myself as a comedy expert. Do I think I’m funny? I do make myself laugh on occasion, so I believe it would be disingenuous of me to say ‘no.’ I’m all about transparency here, folks. That’s what this is all about. I think I’m funny, or at the very least, I can be.
So, I thought I would open up my thought journal a bit. Maybe a chapter from my manifesto that I’ll eventually publish when I’m an ancient being. Use it as a playbook if you will – I’m going to pass along what I believe to be the funniest words in writing.
The Funniest Words in Writing
Hot take alert: I’m gonna say it – I don’t think the word ‘fuck’ is very funny. That might surprise you guys because of how often I say it. It’s almost like second nature to me at this point – sometimes, I feel like it’s useful in adding emphasis, and it can be funny in the right context/usage….but in terms of pure comedic value, I think it’s too easy. On to the list.
Queef – ‘Queef’ just rolls off the tongue effortlessly. Plus, it’s something that’s a little outside-the-box. Everyone wants to go ‘fart,’ ‘shit,’ ‘shid,’ or ‘fard,’ but queef is where it’s at. Especially in context that makes no sense – “that dude is a fucking QUEEF!”
Hog – Somehow hog is both less sexual -AND- more sexual at the same time. It’s not as dirty as saying “big thick cock,” but it’s also a lot funnier than just plain ol’ ‘dick.’ I use ‘hog’ as often as I can.
Doo-doo – It’s just childish banter. Isn’t it always funny when adults do childish things? AND, when children do adultish things?! Them’s the rules of the internet. Again, I’m a big fan of absurdity…instead of “i have to go take a huge fucking dump” next time, try saying “i gotta fuckin’ DOO-DOO” and see how many chuckles you get. Guaranteed laughs.
Goober – Again, this is the ‘less is more’ strategy. Everyone can call you a dumbass, but it takes a real comedian to call you a goober and pull it off. Goober can also be used as a sub for dick/cock.
Taint – I’ll also accept ‘chode’ here, but the harder T sounds in ‘taint’ give it a slight advantage, in my opinion. Dicks, tits, butts, and vag are way overplayed body parts. Stand out by using ‘taint’ more frequently. For example, “somebody kicked that man right in the fucking taint.”
Butt – Same principle as doo-doo and goober here. “Somebody needs to kick that motherfucker’s butt” is a lot funnier than “somebody needs to kick that motherfucker’s ass.” To me, you’re just dialing up the absurdity when you’re willing to drop f-bombs but stop short of saying ‘ass.’
Toot – It’s a much classier version of the overused ‘fart.’ In fact, it’s so classy that it adds to the humor because of how out-of-context it is to use such a classy term when talking about something so savage and rotten.
Bazingas – I mean…need I say more?
Milkers – Okay, this isn’t a real word that anyone actually uses outside of the SoBros social circle. Long story short, Brandon referred to some tiddies we saw one time as ‘milkers.’ I believe the exact sentence was, “those were some big ol’ milkers.” This whole post has just been a calculated attempt to introduce this term to the masses and hopefully get more people using it.
Now that you’ve taken a peek into my tool box, you can begin to use these words in your every day life and everyone will think you’re a comedic genius. Guaranteed. Advanced students can even begin combining these terms – “those were some hog ass milkers.” Or, “those butt toots smell like pure ass.”
You are welcome.
Stoney Keeley is the Editor in Chief of The SoBros Network, second on Football & Other F Words, analyst for Stacking The Inbox, and a Dogs Playing Poker on velvet connoisseur. He is a strong supporter of Team GSD, #BeBetter, and ‘Minds right, asses tight.’ “Big Natural” covers the Tennessee Titans, the NFL Draft, Nashville, Yankee Candle, and a whole wealth of nonsense. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley.
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