(credit image to NBC News)
As if this occasion wasn’t special enough to warrant getting blackout drunk, Mother Nature did her part to make even more of a fitting day for staying in and drinking. If you’re snowed in like I am, the opportunity to have a good time is amplified by the fact that I will in no way, shape, or form be travelling anywhere tonight.
Bring on the football.
We’re set for two pretty solid games today, as the two best teams in each conference made it to the title games. Also, it’s worth noting that each of these teams has one of those players you just root for! No matter who wins the Super Bowl, you’re going to happy for at least one guy – whether it’s Arizona’s Larry Fitzgerald/Carson Palmer, Carolina’s Jared Allen, Denver’s DeMarcus Ware, or New England’s Steven Jackson.
But, enough of that sentimental nonsense – let’s get to the drinking game!
AFC Championship
*Every time Tom Brady’s “DeflateGate” chip on his shoulder is mentioned, take a drink. Arrange for a designated driver, this alone will probably get you drunk.
*Every time Peyton Manning & Papa John are shown trying to sell you gross pizza via commercial, take a drink.
*If Julian Edelman’s abs are shown at any moment, take a drink….then, read this.
*When you see the inevitable Brady vs. Manning XVII hype video, take a drink. Also, make a toast to celebrate being alive during two of the greatest of all time’s primes.
*If someone makes the vastly overused joke that surfaced this week, “New England wants Peyton Manning to throw against them. Lololololololololol,” take a drink.
*Chris Harris Jr. suffered a shoulder injury against San Diego – when the announcers inevitably claim that Bill Belichick is going to try and exploit him in coverage, take a drink.
*If CJ Anderson scores a touchdown, take a drink. Reminisce of his first game against the Pats this season, when he likely won you your fantasy contest that week.
*If Dont’a Hightower makes a play, take a drink, and audibly exclaim “Roll Tide!”
*If, somehow, Manning’s name is tied into the Tennessee Titans ownership, take a shot.
*When Peyton Manning gets his shuffling, “happy feet” going, take a drink. If you haven’t arranged a designated driver, now’s the time to do it.
Prediction: Patriots 24, Broncos 20
NFC Championship
*Every time the ‘Heisman vs. Heisman’ battle at quarterback is mentioned, take a drink. Also, did you know that this is the first time two Heisman winning quarterbacks have faced each other in the playoffs?
*If Cam Newton is shown wearing leprechaun pants entering the stadium, take a drink. If that is followed up with the term “fashionista,” take a shot.
*Take a drink for every pass that Ted Ginn Jr. drops.
*If any woman in the room watching the game with you mentions Larry Fitzgerald’s “tight buns,” take a drink. This happened years ago while watching the Steelers/Cardinals Super Bowl with family. Honestly, I didn’t notice until it was brought up, but once it was, I failed to disagree.
*If Carolina’s issues in the secondary are mentioned – specifically, that Cortland Finnegan and Roman Harper are old dudes who can’t run as fast as they used to, or “don’t have as much left in the tank,” take a drink.
*If Tyrann Mathieu is shown in a press box with Arizona’s owners, take a drink.
*Greg Olsen’s going to score a touchdown. Bank on it – when the announcers refer to him as Newton’s “security blanket,” take a drink. Also, Panthers fans should pen a handwritten note to the Chicago Bears giving thanks for discarding Olsen.
*If Michael Floyd is referred to as “baby Larry Fitzgerald” again, take a drink. Then, laugh uproariously at the notion of a baby playing in the NFL.
*If Luke Kuechly makes a play, belt out “LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKE,” and take a drink.
*If they play any audio from the Panthers’ Spanish announce team, take a shot. If you haven’t heard this, look it up. Stuff is gold.
*If Josh Norman is shown talking shit to someone, take a drink – LOL just kidding, I don’t want anyone to die.
Prediction: Cardinals 34, Panthers 31
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo
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