It’s that time of the week again. Let’s get those grievances off our chests.
Rubber Rooster:
I fucking hate you, TN summer.
I know it’s lame to complain about a season or the weather, but it’s been in the upper 90s with humidity and I’ve been consumed with how miserable it’s making me. There’s nothing else to complain about when I can’t even stand being in my own skin.
I remember my brother once jokingly told me how pale I was. YEAH, REAL FUCKING FUNNY. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to go outside to instantly get a sweaty ass and a frizzy, curly, afro wig. Maybe I prefer breathing in air conditioning as opposed to gasping in oppressive 90% humidity.
There’s hardly any relief at nighttime, in fact, there are mosquitos at night and of course they love me. A mosquito managed to sneak into my room one night and gave me 9 bites on my legs in the course of 10 minutes.
Let me also add, I have no central air conditioning in my house. I can’t sleep. It’s been the worst summer of my life. I don’t know if you know this, but the heat makes people angry. It’s true. Crime sky rockets during the summer. Drivers get more impatient and hostile. Everyone is fucking miserable.
No, I don’t want to go outside. No, I don’t want to celebrate summer. It doesn’t mean cute outfits and relaxing evenings to me. It means swamp ass, bug bites, frizzy hair suffocating my neck, dehydration, headaches, sunburns, and hostility.
I’ll gladly take freezing temps or even a dry heat over this tropical bullshit.
Stoney Keeley (@StoneyKeeley):
For the first time in his life, Tom Brady gave up. As a long time proponent of Brady being the greatest NFL quarterback of all time (#Fact), you could probably see how this matter concerns me.
I always say that you never want to actually meet your idols. More often than not, they can’t live up to the ideal you’ve created about them in your head. So, you’re likely to be disappointed when your hero is an outright ass-hole – just seems like common sense to me. Heroes are people, too.
I haven’t met Brady, but after hearing that he decided to take a knee on the Deflategate controversy, I’m devastated. He was supposed to be the chosen one…the man who would bring Fuhrer Goodell to justice.
Instead, he’s merely accepting his punishment and will forego playing in the first four games of the season. Who does that? Who accepts punishment anymore? This is America, Tom – there has to be somebody to blame. You can’t be accountable for something like this.
Spare me the whole ‘the Supreme Court has more important things to worry about’ argument, too. This country is fine. I can’t think of a single thing more worthy of the Supreme Court’s time and resources than figuring out the PSI of footballs.
I get it. Maybe if you make people think you’re owning your mistakes and graciously accepting consequences, it’ll increase your likability. You get more with honey than shit or whatever the saying is. But, that’s not the message I expect from a winner….from a guy who makes his own rules and doesn’t care what the governing body of your entire sport legally sanctions.
The message you sent me, Tom? To quit when the going gets tough. That’s not how I live my life. I literally never quit anything. I’ll eat an entire jar of peanut butter in one sitting. Why? I don’t quit. I will scratch a bug bite to the bone if it itches. Why? I don’t quit. I will die in a pool if it means I don’t lose a breath-holding competition. Why? I don’t. fucking. quit.
Ah – who am I kidding, Tom? I still love you. Forget Jon Snow. You’re the real King in the North.
Whew – that felt good. Remember, to submit your own Thursday Rant, hit us up on Facebook or on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork. See you next Thursday.
