We ran out of stuff to Thursday Rant about. Roxanne and I thought it would be a nice, funny little weekly column, but there’s really not all that much to complain about, and we figured no one wanted to read us complaining about the same things week in and week out.
So, here we are – the rebirth of our weekly glimpse into the minds and opinions of the SoBros: Thursday Thoughts.
What follows will be simply a collection of random thoughts, opinions, suggestions, criticisms, etc. Let’s get after it…
Stoney Keeley (@StoneyKeeley):
*Did you know? The average human body contains enough bones to form an entire skeleton.
*Off the top rope with that last one – it gets me every time. Anyway, moving on: poison ivy. I’ve been battling one of the two toughest cases of poison ivy/sumac/whatever I’ve ever had for the last week and a half. It’s miserable. I left the apartment THREE TIMES throughout the entirety of last week. I had to sleep on our foldout bed with my arms wrapped because they were blistering and disgusting. It’s been extremely painful, and my skin is just now starting to recover after enough steroids, antihistamines, calamine lotion, and oatmeal baths to last a lifetime.
Needless to say, I’m not the isolation type. I was going stir crazy after two days. It made me resent the poison ivy. I hated it and wished it had never been born. I cursed it – not literally, I didn’t ever get angry enough to the point of attempting shamanism…but I was close. Anyway, I became curious about the purpose poison ivy serves.
You may be surprised to hear that most woodland animals, such as white-tailed deer, actually eat poison ivy. On top of that, when the plant dies, it enriches the soil or some shit.
So, you’re welcome, dirt and deer. If my suffering brings you fulfillment, then fulfill yourselves right the fuck up.
*I’m ready for Autumn – there’s nothing quite like it. The humidity outside dies down, bringing forth crisp cool nights and mild days. Days become a bit shorter and a sense of festivity seems to fill everyone. The colors are vibrant and warm. Indeed, the Fall is nature’s masterpiece. It’s football, hoodies, apple cider, and pumpkin everything. It’s also a time for reflection. It’s a time where we begin to look at another year ending, what we’ve done this year, and where we’re going. It’s family, friends, and food. I can’t wait.
I didn’t mean to take things in such a serious direction. This column is in need of some dick jokes now.
*Jeff Fisher cutting Nick Foles over the phone is the human iteration of the big bad wolf blowing down the straw house. What an absolute burial! I really wish they had aired Foles’ response. In a nutshell, “how’s your summer? Did you get to travel? Oh yeah? Good. Good. Well, listen – you’re fired” is absolutely brutal. This is like something you’d see on Office Space. Nonetheless, quality television.
As he’s said, Fisher ain’t puttin’ up with no 7-9 bullshit.
WOW – that was both thoughtful and enriching. Remember, to submit your own Thursday Thoughts, hit us up on Facebook or on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork. See you next Thursday.
