If you thought Nasir Khan swallowing bags of drugs that had been in butts and vaginas on HBO’s The Night Of was a bit excessive, brace yourself. Mexico is coming in hot with the next step in the evolution of drug smuggling.
Courtesy of Fox News Latino – Mexico’s National Security Commission announced over the weekend that federal police officers found a panel van kitted out with an air compressor and a metal tube nearly 10 feet long that they believe was used as a bazooka to blast packets of narcotics across the border into the United States.
Seems like a bit of a leap. I mean, who’s the guy (and let’s be honest here – this had to have been a guy that thought of this) that thought, “man – they…like…won’t let us carry our drugs across the border. I know! How about we take a van, cut a hole in the roof, use an air compressor and a big metal tube, and then we can just blast the drugs over into Arizona!” It’s like his boss gave him a tight deadline, he panicked, and his mind immediately went to giant bazookas. Just like you see in cartoons. I guess things are pretty tense on the drug scene in Mexico, after all.
How does that work, though? Is this like when you accidentally hit a baseball into the neighbor’s yard? You see it right there three feet in front of you, but you can’t quite reach it because of the fence. So, you have to walk all the way around, through the house, and into the backyard to get it. Is this similar? Just sit there and blast shit into a random field and hope no one finds it while you travel to the border and traverse to the other side?
Aside from the logistics, are homemade bazookas really low-key? I mean, if I’m smuggling something, I don’t want to do anything that would draw attention to me. Something about a contraption the size of a van launching something into the air by way of air compressor just doesn’t seem discrete. Is it quiet? Have the Mexican drug peddlers not only figured out a more efficient way of getting their drugs into the United States, but have figured out a way to silence a bazooka, too? Science deserves to know.
They left out the butts and vaginas, but I’m assuming it’s because Fox News Latino is a family oriented organization just protecting the kids from the horrors of real life. I really hope there’s a group of Mexican drug lords somewhere that still have catapults laying around the farm. I’m talking about the medieval looking shit, too. Not some contraption fitting of 2016. Anyway, when they need a shipment, just pull her out, line her up, and sling that dope right into Arizona. Launch some flaming cannonballs, too – why not?
What!? This has been going on for four years!? This bazooka van really is a miracle of modern engineering – it hasn’t been seen or heard in four years of illegally blowing drugs into the American desert.
So many questions. I don’t know if we’ll get them all answered, but BRB, I’m going to go try and make one of these out of a lawnmower and the rolls leftover once all the Christmas wrapping paper is gone.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley,@PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo
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