I try to be the best objective journalist I can be, but hot damn – every now and then, a night like last night comes along and makes me want to jump to the moon. Just high on life with a full-on Tennessee Titans boner, and people – it ain’t going anywhere any time soon.
So, if you came here looking for unbiased fact, you may want to click the ‘x’ and go on about your day.
If you’re a Titans fan, let’s gloat for a totally disorganized minute. Read on.
I knew from the get-go that this game was winnable for the Titans, but in typical Titans fashion, this season has shown us that just when you think the Titans are ready to impress, they shit the bed. Jacksonville has been among the NFL’s worst teams on offense and defense. Still, anything can happen on Thursday Night Football, and the Jags are loaded with talent.
I had the chance to show off my investigative field reporting chops, so it was time to jump into the trenches:
@BarstoolNate Titans-Jags UPDATE: raining in Nashville on the commute into work today. Soggy field would make this game immeasurably better.
— Stoney Keeley (@StoneyKeeley) October 27, 2016
You could clearly tell the field was in subpar condition last night given the way players were slipping and sliding, something my investigative journalism hit on at precisely 10:22AM.
@BarstoolNate Titans-Jags UPDATE: Jags fans are trickling in to the local watering holes. So begins the celebration of this annual contest.
— Stoney Keeley (@StoneyKeeley) October 27, 2016
Nothing worse than trying to do some field reporting and investigative journalism and having ugly ass teal Jags uniforms everywhere. I’m not saying this was like the Steelers or Bears coming to town, but I really was shocked at how many Jags fans showed up at Nissan Stadium.
@BarstoolNate The sun is out in Nashville. The football gods are shining down on the magic set to happen tonight. pic.twitter.com/gIoSfeB6EK
— Stoney Keeley (@StoneyKeeley) October 27, 2016
Finally, the sun came out in Nashville yesterday afternoon. At this moment, I knew something special was going to go down in this esteemed Thursday night primetime rivalry.
The Cumberland River – at the bottom of which will lie the hopes and dreams of the jags tonight. #titanup pic.twitter.com/naOC8Qzx3Q
— Stoney Keeley (@StoneyKeeley) October 27, 2016
And, BOOM – that’s what we call setting a scene, people. Investigative journalism at its finest. By the way, you’ll notice I kept reporting to Nate at Barstool Sports. Might seem a little odd at first, but I know my boy Nate is the only other investigative journalist in America that was on board with this rivalry from the get-go. Had to make sure he could report accurately up at Barstool HQ.
@StoneyKeeley thank you for your service
— Nate (@BarstoolNate) October 27, 2016
You can see it was clearly appreciated. #HardWorkPaysOff. Happy to help, Nate.
Now, let’s get to the game.
This shitshow was an ass pounding from the jump. Really, it featured everything you’d want in a Thursday Night Football game. Pro Bowl linebackers getting stuck by third-string tight ends, muffed punts, quarterbacks throwing ducks straight into the dirt, the grown man Derrick Henry straight up eating defenders…Here’s a nice summary of the first half:
EVERYBODY GETS A TOUCHDOWN! Unfortunately, my field reporting concluded at 17-0, when my buddy and I were so loaded with beer, pizza, and Swisher Sweets, that I could barely hold my phone up. We were also busy shouting about Jacksonville’s baby shit colored uniforms.
Things are popping off in Nashville. #Titans lead 17-0 pic.twitter.com/EEFN3swwFu
— Stoney Keeley (@StoneyKeeley) October 28, 2016
A few more news and notes as to just how brutal this game was:
The Jaguars have five rushing yards at the half.
The Titans have four players with more than five rushing yards.
— NFLonCBS (@NFLonCBS) October 28, 2016
Titans: 354 yards, 27 points
Jaguars: 60, 0
— Eric Edholm (@Eric_Edholm) October 28, 2016
Dig into this #Jaguars-Titans tape to survey the wreckage?
Or …
Watch an episode of Fixer Upper first?— Ryan O’Halloran (@ryanohalloran) October 28, 2016
@Titans beat the @Jaguars yesterday 36-22 #TITANUP pic.twitter.com/1PMhx7ojS0
— PantherPack (@QCHSPantherPack) October 28, 2016
Look at our quarterback, laying his life on the line to throw a block that sealed a touchdown! All around good team effort.
But, ultimately – if this game could be summed up in one GIF, this is it:
Catching the ball in this game is a big time penalty no matter if you’re playing or not https://t.co/270LbleNeV
— Barstool Sports (@barstooltweetss) October 28, 2016
It has been a LOOOOONG LONG time since fans left Nissan Stadium in the fourth quarter because the Titans were actually blowing a team out. It’s usually the other way around. This time, I called it – Titans to cover, play the over.
I was ecstatic to sit in a nearly empty stadium to watch Blake Bortles run up garbage time stats against prevent defense. I enjoyed every minute of the Titans thrashing of the Jacksonville Tarp Kitties (a new term I learned last night thanks to my boy KJ – ’cause, y’know, they have to put tarps over half the stadium for Jags home games). I don’t even care that the opponent might as well have been the Vanderbilt Commodores. It was a nice moment for a fanbase that has been hurting for a winner since 2008.
Are the Titans back? No, not quite yet. But, they’re getting there behind Mariota, Murray, and the NFL’s most underrated offensive line. Things can only go up from here.
Titan up, baby!
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
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