In today’s edition of ‘Things Happening in America,’ I bring you the tale of Gary Ernst: the man who died two months ago, but was elected Treasurer of Oceanside City anyway.
Courtesy of NBC San Diego – “Gary Ernst was elected to Oceanside City Treasurer by a six percent margin over challenger Nadine Scott. The election results are expected to be certified on December 7th by the city council.
Ernst died Sept. 23 which did not allow enough time to remove his name from the ballot.
Crazy time for Gary Ernst – I mean, how pissed would you be if you were elected Treasurer but you were dead? Like, there’s nothing he can do in this matter except knock over candlesticks when no one is looking and make weird noises at night when people are sleeping.
Maybe Nadine Scott had him killed because he was getting too close to her claim as the Treasurer of Oceanside City. I hear San Diego area politics are ruthless, like getting mixed up in Mexican drug cartels, basically.
And, you know what else! What if the residents of Oceanside City knowingly voted for a dead guy? They may hate Scott so much that they went to the polls like, “fuck yeah – I’m voting for Gary Ernst’s dead body.”
In fact, I think I’m going to start using this practice. Will definitely be voting for Andre The Giant in the 2020 United States Presidental election, unless Michelle OBAEma is running.
They had a month to remove his name from ballots and that wasn’t enough time? I’m pretty sure you could recycle all that paper, and hit up the local FedEx to print off some new ballots in like…..one afternoon! That’s if they’re paper ballots. It’s 2016 – there’s a good chance they were electronic. They couldn’t just remove his name? I don’t know. Everything else about this story, I’m qualified to speak on. This? Not so much.
There’s only two ways to play this situation: you either leave the seat vacant, or you prop Gary Ernst’s corpse in the chair. The city of Oceanside City is so die hard ‘Gary Ernst or nothing at all’ that they deserve nothing less.
One thing is certain in this story – the ghost of Gary Ernst is coming back to haunt that bitch Nadine Scott.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
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