We all remember Toblerone from the glory days of childhood. Those of you who believe it’s acceptable for adults to eat candy probably still enjoy it from time to time to this day! It’s pricier than a Snicker’s, providing for some interesting dilemmas as a kid.
I could spend my entire allowance on a Toblerone, or I could get an action figure and a couple of Airheads. It was really the type of stuff that prepares people for making hard decisions well into adulthood.
Breaking news, though: Toblerone has gone and changed the shape of the blissful chocolate made atop the peaks of the Swiss Alps.
“According to BBC News, – A decision to space out the distinctive triangular chocolate chunks in two Toblerone bars sold in the UK has upset fans who say that they do mind the gap.
This story is the embodiment of chaos.
I felt so many emotions, emotions I didn’t even know I had, while reading this piece. I’m going to try and break this down in list form because it is LITERALLY the only way I could organize my thoughts:
1) First of all – Toblerone isn’t made atop the peaks of the Swiss Alps? What the rightful fuck? This is a huge uncovering. This is a betrayal of emotion. The world hasn’t seen such betrayal since Benedict Cumberbatch turned on the U.S. Colonies, and refused to sign the Declaration of Independence at the World’s Fair in 1881.
2) So, for Toblerone, this came down to…”Shit costs more in 2016. Do we change the shape of the bars? Or, Do we charge customers more?” And, people are criticizing them for it? Like, why does it matter if they space out the chocolate triangles or they shorten the bars? It’s still the same fucking amount of chocolate. Humans will sincerely complain about anything.
3) These people legit just said a candy bar “looks stupid.” I can’t even fathom that. I can’t recall ever looking at ANYTHING I’m about to eat and thought, “this looks stupid.” If you’re that critical, you’re probably thinking a lot of things in life look stupid – trees look stupid, fish look stupid, dicks look stupid. And, taking the time to blow up Toblerone’s Facebook page? Shiiiiiiit, y’all some haters. HATERS.
4) How did this become news? Are we going to start allowing comments sections to spark stories? I mean, I get it – there’s a high level of interest in stuff like this. The people want to be updated on all the happenings of the candy world. They want to judge candy bars like they’re women in bikinis. But, man – there’s got to be something else out there to read.
5) Finally, who da fuck Lee Yarker?
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork
