The Official Unofficial SoBros Top 10 Christmas Movies

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At least here in Tennessee, this year went straight from scorching hot summer drought to freezing cold. Boom – all of a sudden, it’s December and everyone’s in the mood for hot chocolate, white fudge Oreos, cherry cordial Hershey Kisses, Reese’s Christmas trees, and a shit ton of other holiday treats. You’re also probably gearing up for night after night of watching Christmas movies.

Thankfully, Big Natural, Poppa Bear, Rooster, Cadbury, and the film icon himself, Nature Boy, got your can’t-miss holiday movies covered!

10. The Santa Clause – Boy oh boy, can Tim Allen get into some shenanigans or can Tim Allen get into shenanigans?!?! It’s hard to imagine an uplifting feature here when the synopsis starts with, “when a man inadvertantly kills Santa on Christmas Eve….”

That seems pretty dark, but shit – you gotta do what you gotta do. And, Santa Tim Allen really steers the ship in a more positive direction.

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S-E-X-Y! Imagine coming home and finding that piece of ass under your Christmas tree! Straight up MISTA STEAL YO GURL!

9. Elf, Jingle All the Way (tie) – Could we break ties here? Yeah, probably – but that’s not what we’re about here. You get what you earn, and both of these movies earned ninth place.

Jingle All the Way is a fun-filled adventure that encapsulates the spirit of getting the perfect toy for the kid in your life. Everyone wanted a Turbo Man, just like everyone wanted a Furby, and a Tickle Me Elmo, and a Hatchimal….and everyone who knows anything about Christmas knows that it’s all about the gifts. If you don’t get a good ‘en, you might as well jump off a cliff. So heart-warming.

Elf gets unwarranted criticism – people thought this was going to be vintage Will Ferrell when it came out, but guess what – it’s an actual family film. A masterful one at that. In my book, Elf is right up there with The Polar Express in terms of putting me in the holiday spirit.

I still, to this day, tear up everytime the town sings to power the Christmas cheer-fueled sleigh and save Christmas.

7. Gremlins, Home Alone, Love Actually (tie) – Cadbury made the call to include Gremlins here. I didn’t realize it was a Christmas movie, but TIME magazine says it is, so I guess we have to roll with it.

As for Home Alone – well, hell, every kid that grew up with this movie secretly wished the wet bandits would come to their house so they could think of ways to terrify them/potentially murder them. I know I for one certainly thought of ways I could booby-trap my house.

Love Actually – never seen it myself, but I read about it on all these ‘top Christmas movie’ lists so I may have to check it out. It’s Rooster’s #1, and shit – it has Rick Grimes in it, so it must be good, right?

4. The Muppet Christmas Carol – Honestly, anything featuring Michael Caine is going to be pure gold, and The Muppet Christmas Carol is no different. It’s all your favorite muppets (except Mick Foley) piecing together the heartwarming tale of Ebenezer Scrooge and all the wild, hallucinogenic shit he saw that fateful Christmas Eve.

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You knew shit was getting real when this big tank showed up.

3. The Polar Express – “Seeing is believing, but sometimes, the most real things in the world are the things we can’t see.”

The only Tom Hanks documentary (sidenote: in case you don’t listen to our podcast, we only watch Tom Hanks documentaries) that truly brings back the magic of Christmas. It’s a sobering, cautionary tale of what might happen if you jump on a mythical train in the middle of the night. Still, overall it’s a nice little flick that can get you in the Christmas spirit like nothing else.

2. Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights – Okay, yeah – technically not a Christmas movie, but still appropriate for the holiday season. Boy, do I feel old – does anyone else realize this animated gem was released in 2002? Gotta love ol’ Whitey delivering some of the dopest lines in the movie – “He’s just kidding, son. You have very nice boobs.” “My finger’s in your mouth, kitty, but I don’t feel no teeth.” “Don’t forget your hammies.” And, perhaps the greatest of them all, “joke’s on you, pal. I can’t read.” Combine it all with a beautiful rendition of hit song, “Technical Foul,” and it’s an overall show-stealing performance.

Some of the supporting characters spit flames, too though – “Please excuse me while I go take shower.” “You kids stole my wig 40 years ago.”

And, of course, who could forget the shitting deer?

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1. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation – You just can’t go wrong with this Christmas classic. It truly has everything. Humor, romance, and adventure – whatever you look for in a movie, this masterpiece has it.

At least in this social circle, Christmas Vacation remains one of the most heavily quoted movies of all time. Aw, heck – I’d be willing to say it is the most heavily quoted movie in this ragtag group of bandits. “You serious, clark?” “Oh, he’s just yakkin’ on a bone.” “That’s a real quality item.” “These kids can fend for themselves.” “Shitter was full.” “*clicking noise* Bingo!” “The gift that keeps on giving.” “I DON’T KNOWWWW, MARGO.”

All-time classics. I try to use at least one of these quotes once a week. #LifeGoals. Merry Christmas.

Kinda surprised I’m the only one that went with one of the classic claymation movies (I had Rudolph in my top five), and there’s no Grinch on anyone’s list. Die Hard was represented on Rooster’s ballot, so rest assured – we DO consider it a Christmas movie here at the SoBros Network. A Christmas Story was only on one ballot (Cadbury’s), and classics It’s a Wonderful Life and Miracle on 34th Street failed to make the cut. No Scrooged, either. It’s just a dog-eat-dong world when it comes to Christmas movies, or whatever that saying is…

Oh, before you go – be sure to check back in on Brandon’s list of his favorite Christmas movies while you’re here.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night. Unless you don’t celebrate Christmas….then…..whatever, man, just have a good December.

Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley@PFSpot@WrestlingNewsCo@Bama_Hammer

Follow us on Twitter @SoBrosNetwork

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