It’s that time of the year, again – families are lining up to take the young ‘ens to see ol’ Father Christmas. The jolly fat man is always good for a belly laugh or two, he asks if you’ve been a good boy or girl this year, and asks what you want for Christmas, snaps a photo, and everyone is better for it. That’s usually the extent of it, and then you’re on about your merry way.
Welp, not if you’re the Santa Claus in Forest City, North Carolina. Nope, if that’s the case, you’re out to ruin Christmas.
Via ABC WLOS – “It’s practically straight out of a “Bad Santa” movie.
A North Carolina mother wants the local Santa Claus fired after saying things that put her 9-year-old son in tears.
On Saturday, an otherwise jolly time on Main Street led to a holiday moment the boy would like to forget.
“I went out and started crying, because I just felt so bad,” Anthony Mayse said of his conversation with Father Christmas.
“When he got done, he said, ‘Lay off the hamburgers and french fries,'” he recalled. “And that really just disrespected me, and I felt awful.”
I get it – it’s pretty rude, but let’s all take a step back and examine the advice. Is it bad advice? No! We should all probably lay off the burgers and fries.
Still – yeah, kid – it felt that way because it is pretty disrespectful. It’s one thing to call fat adults that. I mean, people have looked at me and said, “you haven’t missed any meals since I last saw ya!” I keep my emotions to myself, so no one can see me crying on the inside, but still…I can take a joke. I don’t care if you call me fat. I’m aware that eating three McRibs at 10PM is not a healthy habit.
But a nine year old? A NINE YEAR OLD!?!? This really is real-life Bad Santa. Crucial mistake, dude – he’s an old guy, so he probably thought he could mumble something funny and amuse himself and the kid wouldn’t hear. Breaking news, Santa: kids have ears like bats.
“This year we thought it’d be fun to take the carriage ride and let the kids ice skate and go see Santa,” mom Ashley said.
Meeting St. Nick should have been the kicker, not the heartbreaker.
According to Anthony and his mother, he sure didn’t act like a saint.
“He acted like he didn’t want to be there to do the job,” Ashley said.
Sounds like a real nice idea, Ashley – and yeah, no shit, this guy probably doesn’t want this job.
“Anthony was asking for an iPod Touch and a drone for Christmas when the family said he was body shamed.”
Was this the last straw for Bad Santa? Like, everything was manageable until Anthony blurted this out? “Okay, damn it – no nine year old is getting an iPod Touch. Lay off the hamburgers while you’re at it, kid.”
“It affected me so bad that I was crying until I went to bed that night,” Anthony said. “And I want to say to him, ‘You don’t want to disrespect a 9-year-old. Even though what shape and size you are, it doesn’t matter.'”
This seems a bit excessive, Anthony. How old is nine? Like, seventh grade? I don’t know – I can’t keep track anymore. But, if I was in the seventh grade, I wouldn’t be telling the news that I cried myself to sleep because a fake Santa told me to lay off fries. Actually, I wouldn’t be going to see fake Santa at all at that age. It seems a bit old for that kind of stuff, but you could totes still be writing letters to the real Santa. That’s acceptable.
“He later tore up his picture with Mr. Claus, who’s employed by Forest City to spread good cheer.”
Revenge city! It’s not exactly throwing bows with the guy, but for a nine year old, y’know, I guess this is enough of a statement to say, “fuck you, dirtbag.”
I shouldn’t come down so hard on Anthony here – regardless, it’s a pretty inappropriate thing to say as a Santa to anybody…unless it’s a baby. Because babies don’t understand anything. Still, Anthony shouldn’t be hiding behind his mom. He’s definitely got to get out in front of this thing and demand for that Santa to be beheaded.
Might seem harsh, but think about it – when negotiating, you always start high, so you can come down and make it seem like you’re bargaining. You ask for a beheading, and the city would be happy to just fire the guy.
And, Bad Santa – all I can say to you you blowed-looking motherfucker, you rascal:
Reexamine your life choices, bruh.
Me being the 30-year-old man that I am, if I sat in this guy’s lap and he said that shit to me, I’d turn and sock him one good one right in the eye. Maybe put him in the ICU if I’m feeling particularly rowdy. For Anthony, I get it – you have to use the resources you’ve got, and right now, that’s your mom.
Ultimately, I say the solution to this problem is simple: this kid has to train for 10 years, then go find this guy, and whip the ever-loving shit out of him. That’s the only way. That’s how you get ahead in the world.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
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