It looks like the animal kingdom has decided to fight back after that video went viral of the Australian bro who punched a kangaroo.
(Side note: I side with the man in that scenario. Everyone that owns a dog knows that that dog would give his life to protect you. You absolutely 1,000,000,000,000% have to return the favor. And the thing I respect most about this guy? He kept it a fair fight – didn’t use a gun or his superior human intellect at all. If he’s going to do it, he’s going to do it honorably, and you know what….judging by the fact that the ‘roo didn’t rip his throat out, I’d say he won some respect, and his homedog got away. No one died = feel-good story)
Courtesy of Sky News – “A pensioner had to be dragged to safety inside a shop after an angry goat went on the rampage down a main street of a quiet town.
The manager of the Eurospar in Carrickfergus, County Antrim, said the animal ran amok, jumping on cars, eating flower baskets and frightening staff and customers.”
I’m really curious as to how he was frightening staff and customers. Was he just generally making them uneasy with his unpredictable rampaging? Or, was he hiding behind stuff and jumping out as someone walked by?
One thing I’ll say – there’s no reason to punch this goat. This goat has every right to rampage and as long as he’s just eating baskets and jumping on cars, it’s pretty harmless. All this goat had to do was burn a couch and it would’ve been like a Saturday night in Lexington after a Kentucky win. In other words, this was basically a peaceful protest. Like I said, the animal kingdom is obviously hurting right now, and we should listen. Violence only makes matters worse, but with humans – you’re talking about just taking a punch or kick and moving on with your day. You incite violence with a goat like this, and you’re taking a horn through your spleen.
“Jonathan Smyth said the goat attempted to butt a regular customer called Billy, who was buying his daily newspaper.”
Rough day for Billy here – can you imagine going to your local market to get your daily paper and catching an ass-numbing headbutt for your efforts? You just want to get your news and maybe chitchat with the clerk about the weather and such. Next thing you know, you’re being dragged to safety after being victimized by a goat. Poor guy.
“Mr Smyth explained how the drama began in the early morning when the goat was denied entry into the store.
He said: “I thought it was the bread man but when I turned around I just saw this massive goat standing on its two hind legs. It seemed like it wanted to come into the shop and was looking straight at me.
I wonder…this may have been an actual goat, but does anyone else read about a goat bowed up like, “I’m about to come into that shop and rage, motherfucker. Just test me,” and think maybe this seems a bit unnatural? This could’ve been Krampus stirring up trouble before the holidays.
“It was running around the place, chasing customers and jumping up on cars.
Confirmed: It’s Krampus.
“It also butted one of our regular customers, Billy, who comes early every morning to get his paper.
“We had to quickly open the doors and drag Billy inside. Thankfully the only real damage was to the plants which we keep outside. It ate them all but I thought, ‘I’m not going out there to tell it off.’
“There was not much we could do to stop it. The goat just kept running up to the window and butting it.”
The rampage at the Victoria Road shop began at about 6.30am on Saturday morning.
It was eventually stopped when a member of the public, believed to be the animal’s owner, grabbed it by the horns and took it away.”
This sounds like a fucking war zone! At least, a Stephen King novel. But, you know what – I’m truly happy for this goat. It’s simple – I will never know such freedom. I’ll never be able to go out into town, jump on cars, eat flowers, headbutt people, and try and break into a store without suffering the consequences of human law. What happened to this goat? His owner showed up and walked him home by the horns. I’m not a betting man, but if I was, I’d be willing to bet the goat won’t serve any jail time either.
That’s why the laws of nature represent true freedom like nothing humans could construct.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
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