Last week, it was reported here on this very site that Jeff Fisher had obviously sold his soul to coach football. Fisher was rewarded for all of his losing seasons with a two-year contract extension, which quickly prompted about 15 million people taking to social media to ask why.
Well, it’s pretty obvious using logic that Fisher sold his soul to the devil in exchange for the ability to coach football for all eternity. Looks like that report was false, and I’ll totally take the blame for being the first to put it out there. I had what I thought was a credible source (my brain/logic), and I ran with it. As it turns out, journalism is a cutthroat business, and my source was only setting me up for failure. I was betrayed.
For real, though, this is like a bad relationship. Everyone on the outside looking in could tell that Fisher and the Rams just weren’t really going anywhere. But, to cover their dysfunction, both parties were outwardly committed to the other. Then, the bottom fell out. Fisher came home late one night after a drunken drug binge at the strip club, and the Rams finally put their foot down and realized that Jeff Fisher is Jeff Fisher and you can’t change people by simply committing to them. Los Angeles filed for divorce.
That’s how divorce works, right?
Regardless, me being the important football journalist I am, I put together this short list of potential targets for the Rams:
5. Lane Kiffin – Starting the list off hot! Sure, Kiffin bombed in the NFL, sure he’s the coaching equivalent of Benjamin Button (Starting at the Oakland Raiders and currently at Florida Atlantic University), and sure he JUST signed on to coach the Boca Raton Owls this week. You think that matters to a guy like Kiffin? Los Angeles has the biggest recruiting lure you can have with a guy like ol’ Lane Train – lots of tail to chase. Why do you think he went to FAU to begin with? You need a guy that can design an offense around Jared Goff, you go get the greatest offensive mind in football, and hope he doesn’t burn your franchise to the ground.
4. David Ortiz – The Cleveland Browns went into baseball to hire their Chief Strategy Officer or whatever that ‘moneyball’ guy is doing. It seems to be working out great so far, so why shouldn’t the Rams try it? I don’t know who all was involved in the ‘moneyball’ stuff, and quite frankly, don’t care to research it. What I do know is that Ortiz is available, and what you’d be lacking in experience, he would certainly make up for in charisma. Roll the dice.
3. Kurt Warner – Some might say you need head coaching experience for a gig like this. I don’t entirely disagree, but according to Matt Leinart, Warner was pretty much running the Arizona Cardinals team that went to the Super Bowl. Ken Whisenhunt more or less benefitted from having the HoF quarterback on his roster. He later proved that he’s a terrible coach by losing the team in Arizona and having a disastrous tenure as Tennessee Titans head coach. But, hey – let’s not turn this into a ‘bash Ken Whisenhunt’ party (although, I’m always up for attending one of those). Let’s talk about the merits of having one of the all-time great Rams leading the team into its new era. This is the stuff dreams are made of.
2. Dick Vermeil – I’m ready to run through a wall just THINKING about Coach Vermeil and his motivating ways. Just think what actual football players would do. Sure, he retired because he’s really old and the NFL seemed to pass him by, but coaching is like riding a bike. The skill and practice may go away for a long time, but as soon as you’re back on, it comes right back to you. I’m already emotional just thinking about more Dick Vermeil press conferences.
1. Eric Dickerson – I think the real winner in this whole debacle is Eric Dickerson. This man is so valuable to the Los Angeles sports scene that when he comes out and says he’ll never go to another game as long as Fisher is coach, the Rams fire Fisher. That had to have been what happened here. The city of Los Angeles has spoken, so shit – why not just go ahead and make him the coach?
Anyway, the moral of this story is that the Los Angeles Rams are a shit show.
Stoney Keeley is the editor of the SoBros Network, Tennessee Titans Featured Analyst for Pro Football Spot, Contributor to FanSided’s Bama Hammer, and covers the WWE for WrestlingNews.co. Follow on Twitter @StoneyKeeley, @PFSpot, @WrestlingNewsCo, @Bama_Hammer
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